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Nervous

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I keep thinking about this summer—about starting a new school—and as soon as I do, I find myself internally monologuing and getting all high-schooly. It’s hoot, I know, but I can’t seem to help it. ‘You know,’ I think, as I’m eyeing myself in the bathroom mirror, ‘I’ll just turn up, looking good, feeling confident about myself and do whatever I want. I’ll go out, meet people and just be that vibe. I was conflabing with Lisa last night, as we painted our toenails, “I’m a sufficient person, right? I asked rhetorically, “I can work out my thoughts alone, happily pass periods of solitude—nourishing my soul on YouTube.. Ooo, I like that color,” I said. “You have personal power,” she assured me, as we admired her new nail polish color. Growing up, my parents moved us, like luggage, about every two years. You can’t just be like, “This is actually crazy.” You’re forced to make a start, with a certain callousness of spirit, because uprooting your day-to-day domestic life, leaving friends, is hard. But I’d end up ok, I integrate quickly, as I love dropping into new cultures—people are so nuanced and clever. So I've done this before, I have ‘lived experience,’ and I guess I can do it again. Still, I have this, what, adolescent nervousness, where my mind is spinning—even in dreams—planning my new first-day wardrobe, like a middle schooler, three months in advance (I’m a pre-crastinator). In my heart, I know the source of my untoward apprehension. Social precarity frightens me. I need other minds to rub up against and the constant stimulation and excitement of friends. But I’m a 21 year old, grown woman—what’s wrong with me? . . Songs for this: These Days by Nico find my way home MisterWives . slang.. hoot = dumb conflabing = having a fabulous conversation *11 days after graduating here, I start a ‘Master of Public Health’ at a certain school in Cambridge, Massachusetts, that shall not be named. (ick).

Copyright © | Year Posted 2025




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Date: 4/1/2025 6:38:00 PM
Love: I’m a precrastinator!! Hey, why not stay young a little while longer ;)
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Vionet Avatar
Anais Vionet
Date: 4/1/2025 8:45:00 PM
Are you kidding—I'm aging by the day! =]
Date: 4/1/2025 6:30:00 PM
Oof! Now you have me nervous.
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Woody Avatar
Tom Woody
Date: 4/1/2025 6:35:00 PM
Hey I'm right there wit ya. I need a martini right about now
Vionet Avatar
Anais Vionet
Date: 4/1/2025 6:34:00 PM
Right?! What will we wear, we won't KNOW anyone, we need to be the codified and definitive perception of glamour and style, Tom.
Date: 4/1/2025 4:06:00 PM
<3 . Yeah, we may have a little of that in common. I was usually 'The New Kid' and/or 'The 'Outsider' too.
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Anais Vionet
Date: 4/1/2025 6:36:00 PM
Of course, there IS the fact that I went to Yale and Harvard's a step down. =]

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