MysticMisfits Return Policy
MysticMisfits™ Return Policy
(Cursed Edition)
--for when you regret your haunted impulse buys but the universe has other plans.
Please read carefully. Some conditions may apply to your soul.
1. No Refunds, Ever.
You bought it. It’s yours.
Even if it blinks at night.
Even if it follows you home.
Even if it whispers things you really don’t want to hear.
2. Exchanges Must Be Approved by a Sentient Mirror
To initiate a swap, present your item to the mirror in Aisle 7.
If your reflection nods and steps out of frame,
you may proceed.
If it sighs or bleeds, exchange denied.
3. Store Credit May Be Issued
…but only in dreams,
and only in the form of cryptic symbols
you’ll spend the next three lifetimes deciphering.
4. No Returns on the Following Items:
Cursed Lip Balm (LipHex™)
BoneTone™ Music Boxes that have learned your name
Anything that hisses when touched
Items marked “Oops”
Teacups that show you your childhood regrets
5. Return Portal Hours:
Open: Tuesdays, 3:33 AM to 3:34 AM
Closed: All other times, including holidays and emotional breakdowns.
6. By entering the shop, browsing this catalog, or thinking about a MysticMisfits™ product too hard, you agree to the following:
You may become part of the store inventory.
You may forget your own name, but remember ours.
You may not get what you wanted…
…but you will get what you deserved.
All sales final. Side effects include regret, possession, and occasional enlightenment.
More fine print coming soon... check back for policy updates and new questionable hires.
Thank you for shopping at MysticMisfits™.
We hope to see you again. Soon.
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