My Unhappy Lazyboy

After a long work day I come home to a long warm shower. It was getting late into evening hours. I sat down in my favorite black leather chair. Not knowing I was in for a big scare. I rolled a joint and sat back fully reclined. I was getting high out of my mind. As I was enjoying my weed, I almost choked because a voice spoke beneath me! I jumped up and listened to my chair spit profanity. I wondered if I was loosing my sanity. My lazyboy said, "Don't be scared, sit down and talk to me!" I seriously thought I was dreaming. Like an out-of-body experience waking up screaming. No this is real, very real. I just knew my chair was about to do a cartwheel! "No need looking around wearing a frown, you been sitting down on me for years; so have no fear. No it's not the weed, you're seeing clearly, so sit down and listen to me." I sat down in utter shock, resting my buttocks. As my chair began to explain. "No Jimmy you're not going insane, but I feel you're causing me harm. I have burns, scratches, now dust all along my arms. I'm left with a permanant frown. I desperately need a rub down. I don't wanna be mean, but get some disinfectant and clean. The way I'm living is obscene!" No more explanations were needed. So after a good wipe down it was obvious I had succeeded. My lazyboy's black leather had a nice shine. Now I wanted to rest my spine. "Ah I feel so much better. Now I can go back into a deep sleep. You can go back enjoying your weed or nicotine. Just remember my hygiene, and from time to time give me a clean - Thank you." I could have sworn my lazyboy gave me a wink. I shook my head, tomorrow I would go see a shrink! For Matt Caliri contest "Spea Chair! Speak!