My State of Mind Critical Condition

Yes, I lost who I was and I walked the wrong way Alcohol and drugs, I was killing the brain I was deep in my blood and weakened my love like that others and self-esteem I hated myself, I hated my guts I was trapped in the mud I was trapped in the rain My life was a flood I was hidden the crutch was hidden the truth was hidden the pain was hidden the tears disappear and not feel anything wishing I wasn't here to not hurt anyone wishing to die and be buried alive I was wondering why. like, "Why was I born? Why didn't they let me know? That I would end up without faith or hope. leave me I am not afraid of demons but every time i see them they end up taking something ,I don't let me die here alone Grandma, take me and let me go with you God, please forgive me .my son needs his mother but the person I see in the mirror is not me where I am? Of all the tears and blood that I shed I had no idea that the devil was around the corner Waiting to capture me when I least expected it Why didn't he tell me that love would become my worst enemy? And my life destroyed and everything around me. The older I get, the pain hurts more and the memories. The colder I get, the more I resent and live with regret. I don't make sense to me, If there's a god, why don't you answer? Are you protecting me? If there is a god, why would he want to end me? If there is a god, all I ask is that you rescue me. Will you rescue me.I have these dark thoughts, obstructing my damn brain I could grab a razor and let it go through my ing veins Watch the blood drip and let me die slowly And when you find my body, make sure my eyes are closed that's how I really feel, then when You look me in the eye, I only know that the pain is real I have been through things that I will probably never heal Caught in my dreams, because when I sleep is when I feel sleepy I never thought that my life would become a nightmare fight against my demons But they never fight clean If you knew half of what I am going through and suffer I try to move forward but it's like I'm stuck in a time machine instead No matter what, it's like the devil is getting cold on my shoulders Every day It gets darker, the nights get colder sober alone to be able to leave reality But, when the effect disappears, depression just "Can you look me in the eye? Can you tell me what you see? I've been empty, dead inside. Get me out of my misery. Can you hear my heart? Can you tell me if it beats? Can you see all my scars? Every wound struck deep