Nancy Phan Poet Free verse

My Secret

I’ve come to point in my life
Where I can look into my eyes
And say you are beautiful
But I cannot look down.
My face, I feel pretty
My eyes have this exotic look
The way my lips are shaped
The way my nose is structured
The way how everything comes together
My face is beautiful that is only when.
But when I look down, I seem to look away
I see a body that I still have yet to love
I see stretch marks that has been engraved into my skin
I see the stomach that is always peeking out
Like it’s playing peek-a-boo but more always visible
I’ve had body image issue dating back to forever
I’ve gone through certain extreme to feel skinny
I’ve had certain moments where I gave up
I’ve had certain moments where I love my body
But now at age 19, I’ve never been so insecure
I’ve gone back to methods I told myself I wouldn’t
I have consistently weighed myself throughout the day and night
I can’t eat the way I use to
I’m mentally unstable to the point where I’m at war
“What you’re doing is wrong!”
“But its working”
STOP!
I just want to accept myself 
All of me, the flaws and the beauty
But I can’t. 
And to be honest I don’t know when that will be.

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Sam Toil April 15, 2014 at 12:58 PM Hi Nancy. I am new to PoetrySoup. I was wandering through the site when I came across your beautiful poem. I must confess I am old enough to be your grandfather. But I remember when I was 19. Vividly. And believe me, any man worthy of you will not be looking for someone who looks like a model in a tabloid magazine. Just assert yourself by your very presence. As you are. Just as you do your lovely poetry. Someone someday will see that. And fall in love. Peace...Sam

Casarah Nance April 15, 2014 at 6:49 AM That is a tough deal, i'm 32 and just had a baby 3 years ago and trying to accept the fact that i'm not who i used to be either. I hope you find that beautiful isnt skin and flesh but its the soul and it shines through. Keep writing. :)