Funny New Years Resolutions Contest
Sponsor: Constance La France 12/14/23
"I don't call them New Year's Resolutions. I prefer the term: Casual Promises to myself that I am under no legal obligation to fulfill." ~ jamonkey.com I've given thought, after a titch of consideration, to make New Year's resolutions... such a vexation I hesitated to do so without serious contemplation because quite often I'm led astray by temptation I will write better poetry to post on the Soup Be more productive among my peer group Mind my own business, on others I won't snoop But won't swear not to write limericks about poop. I will waive my penchant for chocolate... well, maybe That will be the most difficult resolution to keep for me I vow to give up margaritas and switch to sweet tea And I'll put it all in writing. I'll even sign that decree! I will not let sticks and stones break my bones I'll just blame it on an imbalance of her hormones Or on a guy who acts like one of the Flintstones Maybe on a plethora of a million other unknowns I will forgive anyone who screams at me in rants I will not respond like there are ants in my pants I seriously promise that I will give peace a chance Smoke a peace pipe instead of doing a war dance I will consider it a compliment to be called 'mean girl' By anyone who derogatorily behaves like a churl I'll have more patience, so my temper doesn't unfurl And smile more often. I'll give that thought a whirl I will make it a definite priority as one of my goals To walk away from bullies and persnickety trolls Wooly wolves who pretend to be sheep in their roles But who expose themselves as taunting buttholes I am determined to start eating much healthier food knowing it's a required taste that I've not yet accrued I believe I will enjoy life more with a positive attitude And ignore negative folks who like practicing turpitude I will do my utmost best not to break one resolution But if I do, I must supplicate for leniency and absolution I'll not give up a resolution without making a substitution If you see me cheating, take my chocolate as retribution
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