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My Prison Door

Who am I? I really don't know who my real self is, I have been locked up inside of myself with no way of escaping and no way to cry out for help either. Because my voice won't work and nobody can hear it, because it's buried really deep inside of me.
My real self has been locked  all my life, I never got to meet my real self. My family saw something inside of me that must have scared them because they were the ones who locked up my real self. They even gave me rules to obey and follow without asking any questions, the first rule I learned was 'you are not allowed to feel anything.'
It still sometimes feels like it applies even now, then the worst thing happened to me it was the day my prison door was shut and locked forever. I can never escape it because I don't have the power, then I found out that it was only going to get even more horrible for me.
My family gave me a title that I don't want and I despise it whole heartily, that title is 'I'm a good girl who does what she's told.' I have tried to escape many times over the years but to no avail, they always found me and returned me to my prison. Even now they still make sure that my prison door is safely locked, I don't think my family wants me to become one with my real self.
I think their sacred of my real self that's why they locked her up, I can hear her screaming to be set free from my prison door. I everyone sees is really just a shell of my real self, that my family locked away and threw the key away.
I think their sacred that if my real self was set free because they wouldn't be in control of me anymore. They wouldn't be able to manipulate me anymore either like they have been doing to my shell of my real self all my life.
My family would lose their personal playtoy and that makes them scared of my real self if she ever got free of my prison door that they locked her up in. By: Vera Rice

Copyright © Vera Rice | Year Posted 2020

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Vera Rice Date: 11/7/2020 2:06:00 AM Thank u so much and I've been standing up to my family now and more and more they don't like it but who gives a shit right Login to Reply Lady Labyrinth Date: 11/7/2020 2:10:00 AM Listen to your own voice Vera. It is Your Life and yours alone, don't disregard the advice (good and bad), take it on board. But I have found that when I have followed the advice of family and well meaning friends - it all turns ass up. You are the one in 'control', take it and go for it, give it ALL you've got. Listen to your own soul, and gut, trust yourself. No one can do it entirely on their own, gather strong like-minded mothers and friends around you, if family are failing. You will do what you can for your daughter to give her a better life - lead her by strong integrity and be her benchmark. Daughters eventually leave mothers. Never put yourself last. Love and best wishes to you and your daughter. Leanne x

Lady Labyrinth Date: 11/7/2020 1:27:00 AM Some families are totally f'd up aren't they? Open the door and walk away...show them what you are truly made of, something more than the constraints you communicate to the world here...but I read, the inner strength and I hear it - you are evolving for the better; more than likely you are so much stronger than them; definitely of high value. Dysfunction and narcissism, gaslighting, ghosting within families, directed at a black sheep comes from 'fear'. It is your life, to claim - and no one else's. I'd break free from turmoil like that...easier said than done, but it is do-able. You have a voice. Excellent narrative. Make it real. Login to Reply Vera Rice Date: 11/7/2020 2:07:00 AM Thank u so much and I've been standing up to my family now and they don't like it very much but who cares I'm glad to finally stand up to them Lady Labyrinth Date: 11/7/2020 1:31:00 AM I have favourited this story of yours. Excellent write.