My Place In the Sun

MY PLACE IN THE SUN a life without giving is a life not worth living in truth my mother was right, but a life in a home unsafe and alone was all that was in my sight. upon considerable reflection their abuse and rejection made absolutely no sense, but being a kid I took it I did I was too young to take much offense. alone in my room I did contemplate doom in the laboring silence of night, and hanged my head with thoughts of dread with no glimmer no inkling of light. but I made my way out although filled with self-doubt I was unable to face the truth, that I had been changed by the onset of shame and my suffering for years is my proof. grown up in the dark with no sense of my heart lusting for bells and whistles galore, with shoulds and must haves and quotas to mark life left me empty and longing for more. in search for truth throughout my youth I found money and power and fame, I was distracted by the lie of glitter passing by all for the sake of my name. now I find myself thinking on days of my drinking and years of chasing a lie, the cheating, the fighting and constant denying of a self so consumed by false pride. I want to emerge from the dark where my hope ignites spark and my mind is no longer obtuse, where the veil has been lifted with heart freed to love and with mercy I embrace my truth. where speaking in verses and walking with purpose I could shine brighter than bobbles I hold, under shadows of trees with the earth beneath my knees where there’s treasures for me to behold. I’d have no fear of new faces and could be in embraces instead of the whirl in my head, and humbly ask questions and wait for the answers and be free from the pain that I shed. with a new found confidence from the hand of providence I could feel like I’d finally won, a life that is lived from the inside out if I could just find my place in the sun.