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My New Year's Resolutions: Humor

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I had written this piece many years ago. This is a drastic rewrite of that piece.

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Please help by visiting Casarah Nance at http://casarah.altervista.org/index.html  Just click the blue link and like magic it will take you there. This is her own private Blog and I would love it if you paid her a visit there. I think it is important for poets to support poets. CASARAH IS GOING THROUGH SOME HARD TIMES. WITH A 4 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER AND CHRISTMAS HERE SHE FINDS HERSELF IN A BIND FINANCIALLY. IF YOU ARE IN A POSITION TO HELP HER EVEN A LITTLE PLEASE MAKE A CASH DONATION ON HER SITE. NO MATTER HOW SMALL IT WILL HELP TO GUARANTEE A LITTLE GIFT FOR HER DAUGHTER AND A FEW OF THE TRIMMINGS. THANK YOU!

I have tracked my New Year's Resolutions over the years these are my fantastic results. Resolution One 2011: I will try to be more attentive to Lauren. 2012: I will pay more attention to what's her name...ah...Lori...I know I'm close. 2013: I will try for reconciliation with Lo. 2014: I will try to be more attentive to Carol. Resolution Two 2011: I will walk 35,000 steps a day this year. 2012: I will definitely start my walking routine this year at 10,000 steps a day. 2013: I will walk once a week. 2014: I will try to drive past a gym at least once a week. Resolution Three 2008: I will not stare at women's cleavage . 2009: I will cut down the amount of time I stare at women's cleavage. 2010: I will stop being so obvious when I stare at women's cleavage. 2011: I will attempt to stop getting caught staring at women's cleavage. 2012: I will stop increasing the time I spend staring at women's cleavage. 2013: I will seek professional help as directed by the courts. 2014: I will try to stop starring at the female prison guards cleavage. Resolution Four 2011: I will not let my siblings push me around. 2012: I will stick up for myself with at least one of my siblings. 2013: I will not let my siblings bullying depress me. 2014: I will talk to Dr. Potter and the group about my siblings. Resolution Five 2008: I will read Clarissa this year all 1534 pages. 2009: I did not read Clarissa I will read Varney The Vampire all 866 pages. 2010: I will read the first 50 pages of Varney The Vampire this year. 2011: I will read some articles in the newspaper this year. 2012: I will try and finish the comics section this year. 2013: I will read one strip in the cartoon section this year. 2014: I will read the fortune cookie thingy the next time I have Chinese Food. 18~12~2014 Sponsor: Regina Riddle Contest Name: New Year's Resolution

Copyright © | Year Posted 2014




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Date: 1/3/2015 8:56:00 AM
LOL, Happy New year sweetie, hope you've had a wonderful start, its going to be a great year! Smile for me!
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Date: 1/2/2015 11:17:00 PM
Very funny stuff Maurice...I guess the only resolution is breaking the resolutions...Congrats on your win
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Date: 1/2/2015 2:23:00 PM
Maurice, I'm copying this as its hilarious and my favorite by far.. Well deserving of your first place finish!!
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Date: 1/2/2015 12:44:00 AM
It is another winning year, congrats Maurice ...huggs
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Date: 1/1/2015 6:04:00 PM
it is a nice year so far. Maurice, Congratulations -- This is a great way to start the new year. Enjoyed reading your winning poem. Always & Forever ~LINDA~
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Date: 1/1/2015 4:05:00 PM
Hi Maurice, congrats on your win. I loved the humor, but underneath, we learn a lesson about resolutions! Happy New Year! Sandra
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Date: 1/1/2015 2:18:00 PM
Maurice, congratulations on your winning poem.Resolutions have good intentions but sometimes they are hard to keep. Blessings to you for the coming year
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Date: 1/1/2015 12:55:00 PM
dropping back with my congrats Armand:-)Happy new year Hugs Jan xxx
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Date: 12/19/2014 11:28:00 AM
After watching Scrooge on TV - three different versions - I enjoyed your humor. Thanks for looking me up. Love, daver
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Date: 12/19/2014 10:56:00 AM
Very funny.. good luck in the contest!
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Date: 12/19/2014 12:38:00 AM
A definite winner here! Still laughing...I've given up on resolutions, too...faving this one! Hugs, Rhonda
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Date: 12/18/2014 10:47:00 PM
hahaha. you deserve a win with this cleverness, maurice. Loved all your resolutions and how well they reflect in their exaggerated way , the silliness of resolutions in general!!
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Date: 12/18/2014 10:47:00 PM
fave for sure.
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Date: 12/18/2014 4:05:00 PM
You might "read Clarissa this year", in-between your, "starring at the female prison guards cleavage." I will head off to the toilet before my panties are soaked from laughing so hard at your resolutions.
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Date: 12/18/2014 3:04:00 PM
oh this made me giggle - good luck! Hugs jan xxx
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Date: 12/18/2014 1:11:00 PM
Very funny my friend...happy new year
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