My New Years Resolutions Have Been So Great

My resolutions have been so great, so terrific, and terribly nice. I have liked them down to my toes, the first was to be a cop of vice. I wanted a fire truck, and clang the bell, and drive myself to the Y Where I would swim sixteen miles a day, and end up incredibly fly. The cops would not take me as I was one month and six days too old. So I applied to be a Disc Jockey, so brassy, and cute and bold. They had advertised for an enthusiastic, talker, and a go-getter, This resolution now off my list, because I could not get a sitter. I resolved to see my best friends once a week for coffee and a snack. But out of the six I called and texted, only one called back. She said, my resolution is to stay home and eat healthy this year. A veggie meal which I had to invite myself to was my greatest fear. I would stop spending excessive money, stay away from the mall. I disposed of this resolution as my only hobby is shopping after all As my friend, I must let you know, in case it is not decidedly clear This year's resolutions are the exact same ones I had last year.