My Mind

I never would have imagined such numbness once it happened... once I took that razor to my arm... I had become a totally different person... once I felt the warmness of my blood... trickle down my arm... I never felt so alive... that sting it gave me... made me feel good... more alive... I couldn’t stop once I started... it wasn’t a habit... nor coping skill... it was my life... it became my other side... I did it constantly... cut... watched the blood make its way down my arm...but only to be wiped away by a hand wet from wiping away tears... when I wasn’t doing it... I was thinking it... wondering if it was possible to make myself so numb...to go to a completely different place...a place with no return... I can honestly say that I loved it... it made me feel whole... I just wanted to feel alive... to feel something...I wanted to come out of the numbness that I was being overcome by... I was so numb...that I was hurting...in pain...And a lot of it...I still am...I feel like there is no help for me...i could honestly say...That if I were to see someone's blood...I would wonder about how it felt for them to have gone so long without letting loose... then flashback...To the days when I would feel that warmness slowly trickle down my arm... and cry... but I don’t know... I don’t read minds... But I guess I should stop here before someone finds out what's on mine....