My Life In Short

I have tears that I have not shed, pain that I have not felt and memories that I anticipate, will haunt me in my slumber. From the neck up, I am paralyzed comprehending nothing only seeing gray images that stare through me. Facing myself in a mirror and not recognizing the characters that become apparent with each blink. My indignities hidden with lies and this made me numb to embarrassments past and present. I have feelings, as if I am under surveillance, constantly looking over my shoulder wondering if the person coming up behind me is a merchant of Death. Fearing my life is on the verge of extinction, I consider planning my last breath so not to give satisfaction to those that forecast my demise. My Hands shake when I try to raise my hopes, and my loyalty is not with Gods, but green papers with presidents. Left with the misfortunes that always end my dream, and nightmarish figures that stork the corners of my reality peddling insanity, I pause to pause. I make the choice each day to keep my sanity, but the obsession to indulge in the madness takes over my mind and body. I become a junkie needing a fix of stupidity to stop the voices of reason, so to intensify my incentive to fail. I have a phobia to sounds I do not recognize, and tense in terror when surrounded in darkness and silence. Through this thickness, I fight my way soaked in perspiration from hostile thoughts. Fragments of images from deep in my psyche, challenges me for control of my actions and dialog. If only I would cry, then maybe the hurting will start and the image in the mirror will be recognizable. My numbness will pass along with my paranoia, and thoughts of suicide will change to memories of happier times. I will become comfortable in my surroundings and myself. My grip on life will become steady and the only fix I will need is the one from God.////