My Joy Has Been Zapped

he took away my joy my joy of giving as i give all i have and know would help, but is unappreciated, not what's wanted when needed he taunts me with the joy of helping, then smacks me with his left hand for thinking my gifts are worth giving the weight of the world has me with a heavy heart he makes me fall to sickness when I'm needed knowing I'm being used just to be slapped down later i so tired from the many copings  i must battle unable to function i fall short from the industrious wife i use to be uselessness is my disgrace in life unable to pull myself up from the cliff i fallen into the dungeon of self worthlessness i cant even help myself much less help some one else at this point  i try to get up and enjoy life but it is a heavy load heavy as an elephant on my back as a anchor holding  me down in the deep waters of life my pain is creeping in me fast lingering in my arms my fingers as a dull ache pulsating my gums depression is engulfing me unable to rise above it without the help of some that loves me or someone that wants to but can't is bring me to another low point in my miserable lonely life i have nothing to do thats makes me happy and benefits others as well what i want i can't have happiness a feeling of worthiness i see now that it's unattainable in my world of unrealistic expectations