My heart beat of scare

When I saw someone I don't know crossing the rode near my window, I wouldn't have mind at all. But I saw someone wearing the same pullover you always wore and I complimented you in, When I stopped, I noticed my heart beating incredibly fast. ,,Do I still have feelings for him?" But shame covered my eyes. I instantly looked away from the boy and walked immedietly away. It wasn't love, It was scare. Never did a boy scare and ashame and make me think about my actions so much. If I would forgive you, Even though you did never apologied, My life would've been much more peaceful because in my mind, I would draw you, in my Garten walking my dog. But I could never lend you my dog. I want that it will resolve quickly, I think that's why I yesterday smiled at you again for the first time after months. Still I want to understand myself and ignore you till my death if it's needed to. Don't like you at all. Acting like I just don't care. I am in the middle, And I am not proud of me either not knowing what I want, But why did you made me like that? I am 20, And always when you sit near me, I feel the need, To cry again.