Caren Krutsinger Poet Free verse

My Fault She Killed Herself

It is my fault she killed herself.  Crazy talk. Nonsensical logic. 
My first thought is to say, “Yes, it is SO your fault,” and roll my eyes.
Luckily, I have had life-training, so I am wisely silent, keeping my 
Traitorous eyes, hidden and down, as they are non-controllable.

If I had called her back,
If I had texted her.
If I had agreed to wear the bunny costume.
If I had not argued with her,
If I had realized,
If I had noticed,
If I had thought,
If I had suspected,
If I had….

It is not your fault, it is probably not her fault either.
The only thing right now that might work
Is a gentle shoulder tap, or a hug.
She is not a hugger, but I am.
I put my arms out, and she turns into a 4-year-old.
I hold her as she sobs, sure it is her fault.
I am so glad I have had life-training.
It is not your fault, never works.
Serves as gasoline on the fire.

If I had gone over there,
If I had hidden the gun,
If I had hidden the pills,
Yes, it is your fault.

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M. L. Kiser November 27, 2018 at 9:53 PM Sad but, true; so many engage in self-blame when they shouldn't. Well-penned. Caren Krutsinger November 27, 2018 at 10:16 PM It is weird to me when others want to be the one to take someone else's blame.

P.S. Awtry November 24, 2018 at 2:44 PM wow. you are a deep well. this is valuable. Caren Krutsinger November 24, 2018 at 5:33 PM I have had two really good friends experience this in the past month, and I have experienced this in my family.

Rhona Mcferran November 24, 2018 at 1:27 PM That is so hard to do.... Well penned poem, though! ;) Caren Krutsinger November 24, 2018 at 1:47 PM Thank you. I cannot tell you how I often I listen to people do this to themselves.