Home » Poems » Akkina Downing » My Father

My Father

Although you were never there for me
We never had a father-daughter moment
You never told me you love me
And me always felt like... the lost girl-
The one without a father!
But with all that I felt and said...I forgave you!
Because-
I am alive because of you
I am of your blood
I am your child... Who needed you!
My heart aches for you!
There were times I felt angry with you
I was depressed thinking I wasn't wanted
I had moments where I cried myself to sleep thinking
you just didn't care about me.
You have no idea how much you hurt me.
I am the lost girl!
But with all that I felt and said...I forgave you!
Because-
I still want to get to know you more
I still care about you
I still need you
I still love you...You are my father!
My heart aches for you!
I may be a grown woman now but it doesn't ceased the feel of wanting and needing to be loved.
I am maturing and understanding the concepts of life.
I am trying to be more on the positive side
and believe-
You were never there for me but kept me in your thoughts
You never had a picture of me but memorized what I look like
You never had the chance to tell me you loved me but engraved my name on your heart
And I hope one day we will have that chance
to settle our feelings... Mine especially!
Needless to say-
You are nonetheless the father I am here today,
on earth living and breathing life.
I'll never judged nor disrespect you.
I'll never assumed nor implement the worst of you.
But I will always love you beyond your capability for me.
I will always have your blood runs thru my veins, acknowledging my roots.
Most especially,
I will forever be your daughter
wether you're there or not... My father - Smile!

Written by; Akkina R Downing
4-12-16

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Caren Krutsinger

Date: 10/13/2021 8:33:00 AM

The honesty of this is marvelous; and it is so soul-felt. Wow! Great job.

Andrea Dietrich

Date: 11/8/2020 1:13:00 PM

We have this in common. My father was never much a part of my life, but with me, it's because he was schizophrenic. I am thankful he kept up with me and my sisters through letters after my mom was forced to leave him. He struggled all his life, marrying other women but not really able to be "whole" My dad died last year and it's weird not to get his letters any more. I hope one day yours could at least establish communication with you. Loved reading your heartfelt poem.

Akkina Downing
Date: 11/8/2020 5:19:00 PM

Andrea, I’m so sorry for your loss. My prayers to you... My father and I finally got together last year. It was such a wonderful two weeks together. We had our talk and we are keeping in contact daily. Thank you so much for your sweet comment, I truly appreciate it...xoxo

Susan Ashley

Date: 12/1/2017 7:55:00 PM

Wow Akkina, such a deeply heartfelt and soul-baring write. I was enthralled with your intimate and emotionally stirring piece. Your genuine heartache strummed my heartstrings but your ability to forgive and keep an open heart sings to my soul. A beautiful write from a beautifully soulful person. My warmest holiday wishes to you my special and lovely friend. ~Susan

Akkina Downing
Date: 12/1/2017 9:32:00 PM

Thank you my dear Susan, yes I'm still waiting for that moment to happen. I guess I just don't want to give up my hope for him. I'm sure one day we'll finally get together. I hope you're keeping fabulous as always my lovely and awesome dear friend. I wish you a very merry week :) hugs and smiles :)

Edward Mccall

Date: 8/24/2017 11:22:00 AM

Hello again I had validate and my phone printed what it wanted. The comment was supposed to read it is a pleasure and a privilege to have gotten To know you.

Akkina Downing
Date: 8/24/2017 12:09:00 PM

No worries my friend. I understand :) and thank you so much for this lovely comment. Yes growing up never knew him until I was a teenager. It was roughed but I accept all that is :)

Edward Mccall

Date: 8/24/2017 11:20:00 AM

Hello Kina what a deeply emotional and well written piece. It shows your true heart and that you were able to forgive. You are such a wonderful person it is a pleasure and a privilege having that you have a blessed day my dear soup friend.

James Inman

Date: 4/28/2017 11:59:00 AM

Heartfelt write. I don't know about your relationship with your father. I do know some men are not worth getting to know and though they may have produced the pollen that helped create you, they are not your "father" if they were not there for you, but others who really care for you will make very difficult decisions that they believe are for your benefit and will push you away even if it hurts them to do so.

Akkina Downing
Date: 4/28/2017 12:56:00 PM

It cuts me deeply all but I'm a grown woman now and I've learned to live my life without him. I do still wish to have some kind of relationship with him someday. Thank James for your kind words, it means a lot to me :)