Notes About The Poem

This is a redo of an older poem which I have changed into a haibun. My father was an honorable man who had been popular and smart, a valedictorian in high school. My mom met him in the Navy in California. He went away to fight in Korea. At this time, his schizophrenia came out, and he returned to my mother a different person. In those days, women like my mom were more likely to stay with their husbands through good and bad, but after having three daughters with him and one on the way, she realized she could not continue living with his mental illness. She divorced him and moved back to Iowa, where I grew up. 

I didn't get to know my dad very well. The pills he later took made him sleep a lot. When he died six years ago, he had outlived his nine siblings. I went to say goodbye before he died and it was like conversing with the shell of a man. I don't know how his fourth and final wife could bear living with him, but I am so grateful she was there with him for the last 35 years of his life. I know my dad loved me, and I am eager to see him in the next life, where I know his mental health has been restored. 

My Father

like a sunny day 
before the weather changes . . .
the man Mom once knew

To this day I still recall my strongest childhood memory. Dad is driving us to the seashore.
The sun follows us, a happy fellow, beaming in the mid-morning’s azure sky. In the back seat with my two sisters, I’m looking out the window as I crunch on Mom’s homemade salty Chex Mix, anticipating  the warmth of salt spray from the waves I’ll be jumping on this beautiful day - 
"Life is a beach" not yet even in my vocabulary.

We are now at the shore, a large blanket laid out, Mom with her bright red hair tied back with a brighter red checked scarf, and my dad, dark-haired and handsome, smiling. So rare is this happy countenance he wears today! For a while I sit as if entranced, watching the waves roll in.
But eventually, and predictably, my joy ebbs like the tide.

Dark clouds are gathering; gray begins to envelop the sky. I look over to my dad; the gray has recaptured his face. In the vanishing sunlight, familiar dark thoughts invade my mind -
Dad, can I see you be happy just once for a whole day? 

the man I never knew
living in my memory . .
a sad sunless day
Copyright © | Year Posted 2026

Poem

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Jones Avatar
June 21, 2026 at 1:51 PM
Back to say congratulations on your win! And they finally fixed the problem with seeing the older pages of poetry on soup! Yay!
Crandall Avatar
June 20, 2026 at 9:08 PM
That's a sad and real story, well-told, Andrea.
Carmack Avatar
June 20, 2026 at 8:54 PM
I hope you get that reunion in the spiritual world. It would be nice to have the pets again too.
Dietrich Avatar
June 20, 2026 at 9:38 PM
Thanks, Rob. I am sure I will
One Avatar
June 20, 2026 at 2:30 PM
A lovely haibun and storytelling.. Congratulations on your placement in the contest..
Etgen-Baker Avatar
June 11, 2026 at 4:42 PM
poignant and powerfully emotional. A great write.
Dietrich Avatar
June 11, 2026 at 5:38 PM
thanks, Sara
Jones Avatar
June 1, 2026 at 8:55 PM
A great tribute raw and beautiful! I love how you put this together. I don’t know how to write in many forms. I stick to simple ones lol. You will do well in the contest.
Jones Avatar
June 2, 2026 at 2:18 AM
I’d love to say I have the discipline to study and try new forms but…perhaps as I grow this will occur during the due season. I began writing in childhood about age 7 to deal with trauma. It is a coping mechanism. Wow you are an awesome writer! Loved reading your comments here Andrea! I’m flattered you think I’m doing well here. I appreciate you! Thanks! Blessings!
Dietrich Avatar
June 1, 2026 at 9:14 PM
Thanks, Karen. I did not truly come to poetry until I was 45. At that time I just felt compelled to write only poetry but I took really cool online class that taught me all the terms and forms associated with poetry. It really helped me to branch out and stop writing only in rhyming couplets. And always we have more room to grow. I see you here doing really well. Just studying different forms you see others doing here will probably be all the lessons you need. Experiment with different options and surprise yourself!
Legros Kelley Avatar
June 1, 2026 at 4:32 AM
I'm sorry Andrea, this is such a sad poem of your father. How sweet that you look to the beyond where there is a hope we have beyond this sad life. Life is a beach, truly sunny weather and hurricane weather both occur on this ole' beach... Hugs to you dear sweet friend.
Dietrich Avatar
June 1, 2026 at 3:44 PM
Thanks, my friend. I most look forward to seeing my step brother who was killed young by a drunk driver. Also my pets. I had a dog named Ollyver. I had had to give him away and a few years later I had a vivid vision in which he visited me on my bed. I was his "person" and I loved that dog so dearly
George Avatar
May 31, 2026 at 9:03 PM
I am sorry you had such a childhood with a schizophrenic father. Touching narration. Your Mom must have suffered a lot... naturally the children too must have shared her trauma. Fortunately I had a beautiful childhood in a happy home in the countryside, though amenities were quite limited.
Dietrich Avatar
May 31, 2026 at 9:08 PM
Yes. My mom went through a lot. I guess I did too but one forgets early childhood. My mom remarried and we had a weird step family but fun times
Singh Avatar
May 31, 2026 at 8:24 PM
The poem is vivid,tender and moving- very nicely penned.
Dietrich Avatar
May 31, 2026 at 8:51 PM
Thank you
Bayles Avatar
May 31, 2026 at 9:37 AM
Well-done, Andrea. The use of sunlight is such a good metaphor.
Dietrich Avatar
May 31, 2026 at 8:52 PM
Thanks, Mike
Bauer Avatar
May 31, 2026 at 8:37 AM
touchingly written, andrea! a sad story about your dad, but at least you do have some sweet memories...
Dietrich Avatar
May 31, 2026 at 8:50 PM
Yes. There were some scattered good ones. Like when he would drive to Iowa from WA state to visit me. And he was very proud of my writing
Kendrick Avatar
May 31, 2026 at 4:27 AM
Mental disease is a horrible thing for the person who is caught in its net and for the people around them. I feel for you in what you & your family had to go through. In heaven he is healed provided he made his reservation. Cody has Huntington's Disease which presents itself with too much dopamine and some with it have schizophrenia, some present with bipolar, but both can be in one person. Cody takes a med that is supposed to lower the dopamine which helps some if he takes it. Great workSara K.
Dietrich Avatar
May 31, 2026 at 8:51 PM
It's horrible for families to deal with. My sister married a bipolar who eventually killed himself. Such a waste
Poet Avatar
May 31, 2026 at 3:43 AM
A complicated and emotional relationship with one's parents is effectively portrayed in this haibun. The story is captivating and flows well thanks to the usage of the haibun form. The emotional effect and technical proficiency are very powerful.
Dietrich Avatar
May 31, 2026 at 8:49 PM
Thanks, Sotto
Edmonds  Avatar
May 31, 2026 at 1:58 AM
I had had many dark days in childhood too, though my mother was an angel and that’s the truth… Beryl
Dietrich Avatar
May 31, 2026 at 2:44 AM
Sorry you had that. Actually I had a nice childhood. My mom didn't stay with my dad. I only had first five years of my life with him
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