my childhood is a distant non memory

I spent my childhood outside running and laughing my legs worked beautifully I could see in the dark I had all kinds of friends Neighbors were family I have slowed down my ankles have arthritis running is a pipedream the dark seems scary now I am not carefree like I used to be I think of rabid raccoons in the bushes I do not know my neighbors we do not play I do not know if they laugh or not my childhood is a distant non-memory it is too painful to revive