My Blue-Eyed Son
Dedicated to my son Dustin
It’s been since Christmas of 2013
Since I’ve seen his goofy smile
Still
Every day I drag on farther
Trying to stay strong so that maybe
Just maybe
I might get to see him again
I’m hoping
And I’m dreaming
But every time I see his face
Whether a picture or a dream
I breakdown
Losing him is one of the worst things
That has ever happened to me
It breaks my heart knowing
That it is my fault.
It’s my fault Why I can’t see him
And this very month
The month of September
The 21st
The day of his birth
His first birthday
And I’m going to miss it
It IS one of the worst feelings in the world
And just knowing
Just knowing that it’s my fault
Makes that feeling even worse
And my smile fades faster with each passing second
And I fall deeper into the darkness
Of the farthest bit of space
Away from the light and from happiness
From all the pain I have caused myself
How am I supposed to forgive myself?
When I miss his very first birthday
And there is no way I can change it
And it’s all because of the mistakes I’ve made
It’s just too late
And I can’t turn back
And it is just getting worse
Am I only meant to suffer?
Am I meant to lose everything?
And everyone
I care about
Am I not a loud to move on?
Or
Am I supposed to forget about him?
And be that horrible father I am bound to be
Why should I care?
Why should I have my heart ripped out
By a little boy
Why can’t I move on?
My dreams won’t move on
And they haunt me of all my mistakes
They haunt me of my blue-eyed son
and how I lost him
Copyright © Jordan Miller | Year Posted 2014
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