My Blue-Eyed Son

Dedicated to my son Dustin It’s been since Christmas of 2013 Since I’ve seen his goofy smile Still Every day I drag on farther Trying to stay strong so that maybe Just maybe I might get to see him again I’m hoping And I’m dreaming But every time I see his face Whether a picture or a dream I breakdown Losing him is one of the worst things That has ever happened to me It breaks my heart knowing That it is my fault. It’s my fault Why I can’t see him And this very month The month of September The 21st The day of his birth His first birthday And I’m going to miss it It IS one of the worst feelings in the world And just knowing Just knowing that it’s my fault Makes that feeling even worse And my smile fades faster with each passing second And I fall deeper into the darkness Of the farthest bit of space Away from the light and from happiness From all the pain I have caused myself How am I supposed to forgive myself? When I miss his very first birthday And there is no way I can change it And it’s all because of the mistakes I’ve made It’s just too late And I can’t turn back And it is just getting worse Am I only meant to suffer? Am I meant to lose everything? And everyone I care about Am I not a loud to move on? Or Am I supposed to forget about him? And be that horrible father I am bound to be Why should I care? Why should I have my heart ripped out By a little boy Why can’t I move on? My dreams won’t move on And they haunt me of all my mistakes They haunt me of my blue-eyed son and how I lost him