My Bi-Polar Disorder Part 1

I need to relax for a change One last time, I'm giving it all of my might to fight the good fight It's eccentric how time flies; I guess it's about time to rearrange... I don't have a clue if I can build up confidence tonight... I need energy to move on to brighter dusks and less dark days I need the lonely ghosts that linger around me to subside from my side and go their own outlandish ways Maybe I can be the witness to God's sun-drenched sight But, for now, I will handle things on my own terms...I will wistfully soar in the river-blue sky like a kid's kreative kite I won't worry about a thang Don't worry about a thang and do your thang The phone rang, but I ignored it as if it meant nothing to me I hear a BANG, but I just shrug it off my shoulders and live happy-go-lucky...frankly... I watch people chat and hang out I guess you can say that that is my sport I begin to make out words that bring me hope or doubt I crunch on the ice of isolation and I'm alone in my fort Fortify me by your flavorful faith and fruitful flight For, I'm the secluded bear in his cave...I must be brave and stop cowering from the light The light that brought meaning in my life, I thought it was a beloved dream The delight it doused upon me was amazing in its highest extreme Elevating my self-esteem and making me wanna happily scream, But, for serenity's sake, I build self-control and instead, I silently beam For I'm on His team... So I won't worry about a thang Don't worry about a thang and do your thang Believe in me and mirror my merry spirits... This sudden cheeriness deep inside scared me out of my wits... But, in a good way! I want this moment to last for a lifetime, not for a day You shown me your jubilant, friendly side Stay by my side and say no more, for we're going on a bumpy ride Hold my shivering hands We were once two lonely, barren lands Are we on the same page? We will be released from our crystal clear cage Express your bold rage You're still my sweet-smelling sage No matter what, don't worry...do your own thang...do your thang... I heard you, grazing in your own maze...you naturally sang in the pouring rain So beautifully, it had a unique ring to it... It was so heartfelt and I could feel your pangs of pleasure and pain I'm stuck in place while you're free in space I am a disgrace and you're amazing grace I need to be a shining sun to light up the grief-tainted sky... It needs brief relief I can't deny...feeling kind of low after my natural high... I need to be optimistic like I used to...now I'm fragile and wasting away Why do I not try anymore? I don't know exactly why I have the urge to cry...I will fight the urge to cry; I won't lie - I did try I need your support and sympathy to get me through The pain...that I feel inside, though it does show in the outside The rain...that I shed on the side when I notice that you and I jaded our golden pride Angry and surprised... When I do my thang, thangs don't work out the way I want them to Jolly and mesmerized... Because when we work together, we do what we're supposed to do...it's our duty to avoid distractions too I have a hard time doing that unfortunately Don't we all have something to work on honestly? Once again, my happiness won't grow Why is that so? I don't know... Who knows where the wind do blow Do your thang and reap what you sow Yet, I can't help but envy you as you are all aglow I feel for the guilty, the distraught souls that reduce to shame I am a prisoner inside of my own home - how pitiful...you keep losing the being accepted game Friends come and go, don't you know? My head is spinning madly to and fro And yet you watch my tears flow, so dumbfounded and mindlessly...as if I'm a televised show Come on, audience, sit down on the comfy couch and watch the not-so-lovely show Excuse me, let me do what I want to do, for I'm super bored Just look after me, Lord, so I won't go overboard...I've committed sins that have consequences I cannot afford