My Anxiety For You
I left you alone, when I should've not.
Broken and senseless, just like I had felt.
I wanted to go, but wanted to stay.
You were given the same hand i was dealt.
You called me a month after being crushed;
asked if I was happy, and cried to me.
I lied when I answered, blinded by fear.
A fear spawned from anxiety, you see.
It grew in my mind, painful, always there.
Every-night I wished to take it all back.
The rebound even knew how i love you,
and that it was enough to make me crack.
A year later we met up with some friends,
I thought you avoided me all the time.
But then you let me play with your hair,
and slept as i continued, it was sublime.
Then the next day I thought it was okay,
to play and poke you like I used to at least.
I took your phone, and you let me see it,
but you came back to me an annoyed beast.
You told me not to touch you anymore,
that it should've been obvious it was wrong.
You took your phone and left me in the room,
I hide behind the door and cried, not strong.
We played truth or dare while we were up there,
avoided anything sexual with me,
but when it came to you, they were all for it.
I felt like a child who was stung by a bee.
The last night before my departure,
we stayed up and talked about our past;
how I hurt you, how it wasn't your fault,
and how you had really loved me steadfast.
We looked at eachother and I saw sadness,
what did you see when you had looked at me?
In that sadness, i felt what I thought was lost.
I saw the love still there, and it wanted to flee.
You asked me if I wanted anything,
since it had been my birthday vacation.
I lied. I just had wanted to see you;
"I got what i wanted", with hidden frustration.
When I got back, it all went to hell.
My family was wondering why I looked
at the rebound with such disdain.
He apparently had them hooked.
My mother told me not to be running back to you,
my sister told me she'd "kill" me if i left him,
my mind asked me "what were you thinking?"
but my heart begged me to still swim.
I started to go crazy, for all i wanted was you,
but I messed it up, and everyone thought i was stupid.
I messaged you, paniced from the battle between mind and heart.
and annoyed you like I was shooting for cupid.
You now seem to want nothing to do with me,
and I really don't blame you, I'm crazy.
This was supposed to be a simple sonnet,
and I've already way past ruined the scheme.
You make me feel like this, a way no one else can.
Crazy in love, for what appears, only ever one man.
Copyright © Veronica Capo | Year Posted 2017
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