James West Poet Free verse

Murder She Wrote

It’s hard for me to take 
My own advice
I’m writing what I’m fighting 
But I’m still playing 
With my life 
I don’t even understand 
The issues of my own brain
I go from addiction to affliction 
But I married my pain 
I find myself in consistent miscommunication 
Simple minded people 
Believe it’s the only form of communication 
Passive aggressive 
They breed confusing situations 
Then when it comes to confrontation 
They admit no responsibility for 
The feelings of hostility and aggravation 
I have already run the  out of
Patience
I’m ready to put myself into solitary isolation 
Me myself and I 
Is the only consolation 
In the face of the nonsense 
I’m constantly facing 
This anxiety still has my mind racing
Adrenaline in my bloodstream
Has my senses on heightened elevations 
Eyes wide open
And a mind perceiving 
Shocking Revelations...
Is there anyone capable
Of really loving me?
When push comes to shove
Why is it the ones closest to me
That are shoving me?
And it’s usually in the direction of the door
I remember all the places 
I’ve been thrown away in
And that I can’t go back to anymore
So I stay ready for War
Post traumatically traumatized
Means I’m not the same me anymore
I have a disorder
That seems to puts my perspective
In a different order
I see sabotage and problems
And a pervasive sense of chaos 
And disorder
So I’m never really at ease
A mind like mine 
keeps me on the Battle Lines
So it’s hard for me to find any Peace
I see relationships I used to be in 
Spiraling away
Like fallen leaves
I know why hearts 
are always drawn with wings
Because love flies away and leaves
And when it’s gone 
the feelings
That were once the feelings of love
Turn into a sickness
Like it’s become a disease
Bring me to my knees...
Take the blade from out of my back
And draw it across my throat
She said she loved me
But it was really murder she wrote.

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Sherry Asbury December 1, 2018 at 8:21 PM You seem like such a troubled young man. My heart bleeds for you. Certainly you are a talented poet and deep thinker. Sometimes we who have been hurt the most, write the best.