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Mouthwash Guppy

Out of all of the plastic mouth wash bottles in America, I had to fall into this one. It happened in the middle of a life changing moment on Tuesday when I wished too hard to become a light-hearted, twinkling, prancing, dazzling faerie. Pinz. Zinz. Kinz. Linz. Suddenly I had wings and could fly. I flew into the bathroom first, right up to the top of the medicine cabinet with the mirror so I could see how cute I was. My hair was rainbow colors, and I had silver skin. I dazzled and razzled like glitter. I was quite adorable! Up close and personal, my azure eyes were a wow! I am as beautiful as any rainbow trout, I thought. Then I looked into the bathtub and remembered how much I used to love to swim, resolving to become a fish if I got another wish. I apparently wished too hard because Pinz. Zinz. Kinz. Linz. Winz. My wings were gone, and I fell hard and fast, landing into the turquoise mouthwash bottle with a plunk. It was lucky I do not always put the lid back, as a lid-land might have killed me from that height. Although I could not see the mirror now, I instinctively knew I was no rainbow trout. I felt more like a guppy. I enjoyed swimming for the first day or so. I did back flips, and crawls, and floats. I tried becoming a spider next, because they can climb out of almost anything, but the Pinz Zinz Linz Winz did not happen this time. Tired of kicking my fins, I started to back float, dreaming I was floating on a cloud. I did this for maybe eighteen hours. By the time two evenings had rolled by without me, my husband and dog had stopped looking. This morning was day three, and I was now utterly exhausted, and wishing that my husband used a cup with the mouthwash. I knew that when he ran out of his mouthwash, he would come to this sink to use mine, and I knew also knew that he rarely uses a cup. I ranted and raved and flopped and screamed an hour ago, when he entered my bathroom. I frankly made as much noise as a guppy can make, which is no noise at all when he came in to read a newspaper and other things. I watched him wash his hands, and leave. But he came back in, reached for my mouthwash cell, and took a big swig of the stuff. I was caught up in his mouth, of course. He swirled me around a bit, and promptly spit me into the sink. This was an enormous relief until I remembered that I had gotten angry with the sink and pulled the stopper out of it a couple of months ago. The drain of course, is much bigger than a guppy. Pinz. Zinz. Kinz. Linz. Winz. “What are you doing in the sink?” he asked me. As if he did not know.

Copyright © | Year Posted 2018




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Date: 10/29/2018 10:33:00 AM
And with that, I have to pee. Where on earth did you get that incantation? A brilliant piece that had me laughing till my sides ached. (I do wish you'd write a book; you could be the next, Erma Bombeck).
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Caren Krutsinger
Date: 10/29/2018 10:38:00 AM
I thought pinz and then it all came whinzzing out.
Date: 10/27/2018 9:39:00 PM
"Pinz. Zinz. Kinz. Linz. Winz." ;D LOVE this so much, my friend!!! Pure creative genius...
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Rhona McFerran
Date: 10/28/2018 1:08:00 PM
Well, at least you didn't go down the drain this time! ;D hahahaha!
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Caren Krutsinger
Date: 10/27/2018 11:05:00 PM
Hahahaha I was thinking "wait a second? Isn't this too much like the tick one from yesterday?"
Date: 10/27/2018 5:28:00 PM
You have the most amazing imagination!!! I am so glad you write and I get to enjoy it :)
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Caren Krutsinger
Date: 10/27/2018 11:05:00 PM
Thank you P.S. I am always doing crazy stuff, for my own amusement. I am glad others are 'on board' now. It keeps me wanting to write.
Date: 10/27/2018 3:03:00 PM
This is so inventive to tell it from the point of view of a guppy!
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Caren Krutsinger
Date: 10/27/2018 3:40:00 PM
Yes, and some days I do stare at the mouthwash bottle thinking, "what could I say about you?" Yesterday of course the mouthwash bottle was happy to let me know.