Mountain Stream

Lucent snake
                                           From lofted peaks it writhes
                                Through jagged fissures and wind scarred ice 

                          Bewitched by Newton’s muse, wily serpent descends
                   Gorging wide through meadows snared by wildflower’s charm
                                     
                                     Still, down it coils in stalking deftness
                                            More prey around the bend...
                                                    Mountain Stream

                                                Trois-par-Huit (3-2-3)
Copyright © | Year Posted 2014

Poem

Post Comments

Poetrysoup is an environment of encouragement and growth so only provide specific positive comments that indicate what you appreciate about the poem. Negative comments will result your account being banned.

Please Login to post a comment

Lindley Avatar
July 8, 2014 at 9:34 PM
I truly loved this great write!!!! BBBBBBravooooooo!!!!
Mohn Avatar
June 18, 2014 at 12:16 PM
Changed "ensnared" to "snared" to make the syllable count correct
Gibson Avatar
June 16, 2014 at 9:13 PM
Really great, David. Worthy of a higher placement. Congratulations.
Mohn Avatar
June 17, 2014 at 10:16 PM
Thank you Faye...that is sweet of you to say
Kendrick Avatar
June 16, 2014 at 11:38 AM
I may copy and paste congrats but I have read your work and find it of exceptional quality…Sara
Mohn Avatar
June 17, 2014 at 10:17 PM
That means a lot coming from you Sara..thank you so much
Devonshire Avatar
June 16, 2014 at 3:07 AM
Absolutely awesome, David! I love every line and your description of the winding snake/Mountain Stream is brilliant. Congratulations!
Mohn Avatar
June 17, 2014 at 10:19 PM
Thank you so much Carolyn...I value your opinion greatly...very much appreciated
Johnson Avatar
June 15, 2014 at 3:34 PM
I wondered why this wasn't higher until I read Andrea's comment. I only counted 13 in that line and most of us pronounce flowers as one. Great poem though. Love, Joyce
Mohn Avatar
June 17, 2014 at 10:15 PM
Thank you so much for the kind comments Joyce
Devonshire Avatar
June 16, 2014 at 3:08 AM
Indeed, I would have liked to see this one ranked higher. It's one of the best I read.
Gorelick Avatar
June 15, 2014 at 1:43 PM
Darn it for you..I read Andrea's comments..and although that line was off, your poem was one of the best. Congrats anyway..BG
Mohn Avatar
June 17, 2014 at 10:21 PM
Thank you Barbara...that means a lot coming from you
Callus Avatar
June 15, 2014 at 7:52 AM
Beautiful mountain stream compared to a wily serpent on the move! quite original! Congrats on a fine win. // paul
May Avatar
June 15, 2014 at 6:40 AM
Very nice write David...congrats on the win
A. Sharma Avatar
June 15, 2014 at 5:49 AM
David a great one !! Awesome is the word ,,, loved the way it behaves serpentine ,, congrats on win !
Mehta Avatar
June 15, 2014 at 1:35 AM
Fine choice of the water of the body and fine win. Congrats, david
Dietrich Avatar
June 15, 2014 at 1:13 AM
this one was good. . you are going to hate this, but line 5 was way off on syllable count. That is the only reason you were not with the regular winners. I hope you will keep entering my contests. your writing style is awesome and congrats for the HM.
Mohn Avatar
June 15, 2014 at 9:48 AM
Ooops...I totally missed that. Thanks for the comments and the HM placement...great contest!
Get a Premium Membership
Turn off ads, get more exposure for your poetry, and get more features with a Premium Membership.
Book: Diverse Voices: The Poetry of Human Rights and the Pursuit of Peace