Mother of Mine

I ask you for a hug, and you smile at me and say That’s not the type of thing that I feel quite up to today I smile back and understand that today must’ve been tough And for a while I accept that the words “I love you” is enough Months go on by-- I ask again--you smile at me and say “I love you my dear, but I just wasn’t raised that way” I nod and accept that there’s great pain you have known So, I bury the sting of rejection that’s grown I shrug it off and I whisper that “in time she will heal” So, years drift on by, until one day I feel Like the weight of the world is pressing down on my shoulders Stress and anxiety as heavy as boulders I long for some comfort, just a small bit will do But you look at me then like I have offended you “How many times have I told you before? I cannot give you the hug you’ve been asking me for” I Smile and nod, though my heart begins bleeding I cry for a while trying to ponder the meaning I know that I cannot undo what’s been done It’s clear to me now that your demons have won So I walk away questioning if it’s me or if it’s you? I walk away haunted, wondering what I can do What can be done to make me less a disgrace? A constant reminder of a past you’d erase So I ponder what accomplishment I can possibly muster To finally be embraced by the love of my mother