Mother In-Law’s Tongue

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In this woke world I’d soon be hung
If I had had your spiteful tongue
How ironic that its wagging
Only stopped when you were gagging

And as I tried to grab the shard
Of chicken bone that was stuck hard
I grappled with what I could grip
And when you flinched… I heard a rip

You spasmed like you’d just been stung
And left me with your severed tongue
My sense of humour must be black:
Your tongue is mounted on a plaque

I’ve kept it from my wife and kids
To keep my marriage off the skids
So they don’t know that though you’re dead
A bit of of you is in my shed

So there I sat; my hide of choice
And thought about your nagging voice
And when your tongue began to jiggle
I won’t pretend it made me giggle

It made a move like licking lips
And flicked a few saliva drips
It looked ’round with its probing tip
Then sensed me… and it gave me gyp

Copyright © | Year Posted 2025



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Date: 4/3/2025 1:09:00 PM
OMGosh Terry! can't stop laughing. This is hysterical. You never fail to bring a smile to my face. Thank you! :)
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Terry Flood
Date: 4/3/2025 3:31:00 PM
Thanks, Linda. Stephen King could have a field day with this one… well…. Maybe a short story!
Date: 3/18/2025 12:40:00 AM
Classic Terry Flood. Now that made me laugh out loud. Your tongue poem deffo has teeth! :) Nice one Terry. Cheers - Gary
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Terry Flood
Date: 4/3/2025 3:28:00 PM
Thanks, Gary. Funny how often I google stuff in the name of poetry… in this case, “Do non-Brits know what Mother in laws tongue is?” O, how we slave for our art! Terry
Date: 3/14/2025 4:28:00 AM
Terry, I’ve heard of splitting hairs, but not tongues, something tells me in the past, I got things wrong. Haven’t a trophy on the wall, but I think maybe my words say it all… Beryl
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Terry Flood
Date: 4/3/2025 3:24:00 PM
Thanks, Beryl. Haven’t had a mother in law for many years, so this wasn’t based on anybody in particular…. Honest guvnor ;-)
Date: 3/13/2025 2:37:00 AM
You are so clever with your humour my F.F! Your poem is funny, gross (especially that picture!!) haha and amazing….Love it! Debx
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Terry Flood
Date: 4/3/2025 3:21:00 PM
Thanks, Deb. This is an abridged version of the original, which began, “For God’s sake, woman, stop your nagging.” In this world, I thought I’d be verbally lynched… so this was the cuter, cuddlier version ;-)
Date: 3/12/2025 4:34:00 PM
Lol, I hope your mother in law doesn't see this one.. Tom
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Terry Flood
Date: 3/12/2025 5:26:00 PM
I’m quite safe from that eventuality these days, Tom. Besides… I’m good at hiding ;-)
Date: 3/12/2025 4:25:00 PM
ha ha ha - a totally unique take on mother in laws tongue - love the poem and the picture is priceless! hugs jan xx
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Terry Flood
Date: 3/12/2025 4:31:00 PM
Held onto this for a month or two as I didn’t want to offend Mother In-Laws everywhere. But my mind’s a blank so…… sorry M.I.Ls of the world. The picture looks simple enough, but it took me ages to cobble the bits together. So glad you enjoyed, Jan. Terry
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