mother

You tell me to study,
To focus, to learn,
Yet you don’t seem to care,
Content with a 50 percent

you tell me to study
so that i can be independent
To avoid a future of dependence,
To escape the fate you endured,

For a moment, I could believe
You only wanted me to suceed 
Who else would be so concerned,
If not my own mother?

But you don't know
Your daughter is a lost cause,
Not someone to pin hopes on,
An empty vase,
Devoid of blooming flowers

Your eyes, filled with guilt and disgust,
They make me want to kill—
Kill every dream that i ever dreamed
The true dreams,
for ME

When I see your eyes
filled with guilt and disgust, 
for all the nights you spent blaming yourself 
how shall i repay?
for all the tears you shed for me 
what have i become?

I want to dig a hole inside these walls, 
run away to places far way,
for i have disappointed you enough,
for me being there or not 
dosent make a difference 

These walls of my room,
The room where I’ve spent half of my life.
Maybe one day you’ll realize,
somewhere beneath these walls,
Lies the real me.
 that day, the same tears will fall,
But they shall reflect on a different me—

in those hopeful eyes 
i want to see
the real me,
a new me
a better me.

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