Morning Mourning

The moment that I awaken is the hardest moment of the day when, my mind starts to come alive with the promise of a new day then, ………I remember and the pain of the last two weeks crashes in and the reality of my grief is renewed My son is absent from this earth and I have to figure out how to live my life without the presence of my beautiful young man I grieve for the world, because he was a special person I grieve for my family, because he was an integral part and I grieve for my myself because he was my son and there really are no words to describe the gaping hole in my heart and life How does one move forward when life explodes and takes someone that is so very important? There is no easy answer to that and I am still trying to figure out how TO LIVE. For the moment, I am resting in the arms of those that reach out to help and support me in ways I am not yet able dinner and a hug came on a very hard day last week. Comfort. Love. Putting one foot in front of the other. Re-learning how to regulate emotions that can take control and overwhelm me at any moment letting my mind try to find the words to describe this catastrophic loss resting in the arms of God where I can find hope I am not yet ready to embrace I will find a way to move on, but I won’t figure that out alone. My tribe has closed the ranks and are protecting me, feeding me, checking in on me, and literally holding me through the storm that begins each day in the morning as I remember that there is a gaping hole in my life