Mood Swingz

people like me. i just need to put myself out there. i can be friendly and smile so big. do all the things i've been meaning to do. the future is endless in this moment. it's bright and feels warm pressed against the flesh. mind over matter. isn't that what they say? it's all in my head. numb to the touch and getting cooler every day. harden the heart once more, make it so nobody really knows me and i don't have a problem when you don't stand by me. i care but just be aware i'm always anticipating your retreat. and just so we're clear i don't need you to feel complete. wouldn't it have been grand, walking with you on the shore line's sand. maybe once more, just for the memory. before everything all fades away. "yes, i know you must leave me. you've been looking at the clock for hours. is it time yet?" i fear my anxiety may get the best of me. why can't it ever be apathy? why am i craving you when i'm blue? all you ever do is call my sadness a constant bad mood. however, things will get better if i make it so. staying here, in this half life, laying here til my love dies. the only person i'm killing is me. the only one that couldn't leave. maybe someday i'll figure out how to grab my soul and rip it out.