Monologue With God

My bed held no comfort. I toss and turn, restless, aching thru the night and then the early morning hours. Succumbed to ritualistic repetitions, I pray the Our Father, over and over again, then shortened to - Father. My life circumstances gave me neither father nor mother. So difficulty arises in the words of Our Father and alters them to simply - Creator or God. Creator God, how often have I prayed and it seems you do not listen? Asking for blessings, release from pain and unwanted situations. Some claim You have given miracles, blessed their lives, changed their situations, directed their paths and lives, why not me? Some speak of you - religiously and how intrinsic a part you manifest in their lives and their daily experiences. I speak to you ever in search and want for sensing your presence and still it does not come, I just feel -alone. Other believers say, they feel the whispers in their hearts; some speak of how easily they talk with you, never doubting, unquestioning, strong in faith and believing in the Word and messages. I question everything, I've doubted, I feel as though I never had the gift - You said - Faith is not given to all, why? IN my soul, deeply hidden, protected from the world and its fears and greed, I know better. You are here, always, watching, weeping, waiting for the proper time. I wait as well and believe.