Mistake

What am I doing wrong? i try so hard but it never seems to matter, my face is always replaced with a big fake smile. my feelings that surround me are not worthwhile. i know that i could be a wonderful person but all i do is count my mistakes, i hope and pray and try to see if i have what it takes to stop being such a terrible person. i meet someone and we hit it off great friends within an hour Then i said some wrong things and now and i feel devoured by my mistakes. i guess i just want hope and joy is that too hard to ask maybe I'll love myself but that is a hard task. i know that i can be a great person but my feelings are in the way of my arrogance and failed romance and deep impounding love for the world. But its just a fantasy that ill never reach.