Mission Impassible - Gross

The river’s running higher than the river’s run before I knew it was; there’s three feet of it on my kitchen floor And next doors garden shed came crashing into my front door But I needed a number two and I could wait no more I waded to my staircase and I clambered up the stairs Getting to my bathroom was the biggest of my cares I did what needed doing and the paperwork was done But when I flushed ‘my bear’ it came back with another one And now the water’s rising right up through my bathroom floor Those two big bears are bobbing between me and that there door I really need to get out but the pipes have changed the score For those two poopy bears have been joined by another four! My loo looks like a fountain spouting such a frothy stink I’ve got out of the water for I’ve climbed up on the sink My loo then spouted something that was like a poop from hell It seems I have a neighbour who is really quite unwell And then I heard a yell, ‘the water’s going down a bit’ I grabbed a really deep breath and I made a break for it As I left I turned the gas on and I lit a candle And swam like hell because the clean up this man couldn’t handle I got about a hundred feet and then my house erupted And I got splattered with the stuff with which it was corrupted If ever this recurs I’ll check the things I should be knowing Like what goes up must come down… and which way the wind is blowing