Mental Breakdown

Nastalgic from another night of no sleep. symptoms of my illness. Routeen. i breath in the moring air into my lungs only to feel more empty. the silence becongs me to sit and enjoy the morining seclusion. left defencless to the shouting in my mind. a cannon of voice. i try to push it away. i laugh and enjoy myself with friends,not allowing them to see or think of what im actually feeling. i like it better that way. to share will only bring pain to them. what right do i have to give my sarrow to another. to spread this desease, i wish for no one to have. i laugh. even at home when im alone i laugh. i'll laugh and feel a warm tickle down my cheek. it's all so funny. i feel the dampness of my skin and still my laughter continues. out of control. no stoping. laughing and yet tears run from my eyes. running from thier inprisionment. loosing myself. Irony. unable to stop thine own actions. allarmed by my outburst. body is farther or more behind my mind? which is it? i just find myself more comicle in my confusion and i laugh more. this humor in that which i can't see,but still feel and taste. the salty dampness of the fallen tears. the pain and releife in my own laughter. the jumbled thoughts that seem to be jumbled so much that they are uncomprehenceable. my misplaced laughter and tears together. oh what did she think? the only one to see my meltdown. im sure she laughed and shrugged it off as well. haha. is it insane that i welcome this action to come again? to wish to study my own insanity? is this even comprehencible to the human mind? perhaps mine is tampered with. perhaps what some may call dammaged. but just like my eyes,it allows me to "see" the world in another way. what would the world be worth if all we had to look forward to was the sunrise? i much woud rather look forward to the moon's dance in the night sky. it manages to glow off anothers light. even tho it can never create it's own light,it managed to find a way to give us light even in the darkest night. the stars,even tho they shall burn out don't stop shining brightly till thier end. tho we know that life will end, the thing is that science prooves that we never die. energy is never created or destroyed. i hope i shared my energy with the earth,as i cried,as i laughed. i hope my insanity will just cause more energy to be with the earth.