Memories Or Nightmares

Nightmares or memories am I fit for purpose I think not I believe I’m ill and full of rot My wife and I should be having our holidays of a lifetime Instead we’re just paying off the cost of my crime We should be paying for our boys and their families There phones. should be full of pictures and happy memories I don’t understand how I Went so long without a doctor or someone saying I was wrong I know our ride has been been bumpy and I know I left some scars But there’s been times when I’ve been a loving husband and a doting dad It hasn’t all been bad There’s been times when I’ve got it right But I shattered those memorys with a drink or a fight Every time I took it to a new low What chance love to grow Still we stay together even through the stormy weather I find it so hard to believe that anyone could love me No matter how many times it gets said to me I wish I could just start again but I know that’s just a dream You can’t even stop and wipe the slate clean and start a new right here and now Not when you remember every single row I think I should try and walk away somehow At least give a chance for them to be happy now I’ve had my pain for many years I should’ve gone to seek out some careing ears Instead I kept it all inside It’s so much easier to run and hide And anyway I have no one to confide We are men we can’t show Feelings and we’ve never cried Don’t forget we’ve got our ego and pride I think I know how this will end I think it’s far to broke for us to mend She will need some healing time I know one day she’ll find a man he’ll be loving gentle and kind I’m sure he’ll have all qualities that I just couldn’t find For Everyone else Life’s a Breeze They seem to stroll through it with ease I fight and fight but I never get it right At the end of my tunnel there is never any light I haven’t the courage to end my life So I’ll trudge on with all my troubles and my life I don’t think another-love I’ll try to find There seems little point when You see the pain I always leave behind It seems happiness has become my fear Whenever I get close I crush those that are dear all I can do is hope and pray Hope there memories fade and do not stay Then maybe they can move on and start living again If you will god free them from the carnage and pain As I walk away having made sure I’ve left my stain God help them recover and help them move on And please God for them let happiness come along