Memoirs of One Unloved

Memoirs of one unloved I hear them refer to me as “it” or “the fetus” Some underdeveloped miniature human, with no established status For I am trapped in some fluid, apparently I know nothing But, as strange as it may seem, I do suspect something I cannot tell my senses apart or at all open my eyes But I can detect outside of me a piling up of blatant lies Disturbingly chaotic and deafening sounds I clearly hear But they seem so far from one, yet closer to the other ear How is it that I am able to point out what I feel? Why do I get a foretaste of the world, when I’m a captive still? Yes, you’d better believe your ears, I said, “captive” I am afraid that in comparison to my carrier I am more responsive For this seemingly young lady who claims to be with child Expresses to me emotions that are anything far below mild So the word mother surely does not apply in this case It’s implied that it is better for me never to have existed in the first place The insensitive words daily uttered by her literally send me balling over She repeatedly does sit and only between two things hover “Would it be a wise decision if I kept it? Or should I rid of it and rather figure out how I can get back on my feet?” Well the object she is referring to, is me Her so-called destructive child-to-be Then again, I wouldn’t burden her with the blame Seeing that a situation such as hers is considered a great shame An act that is socially and morally seen as highly abominable Simultaneously makes me feel unwanted, a child so hideous and deplorable Since when is it a mother’s first instinct to be so contemptuous? Clearly of the feeling known as love is she not conscious Oh, wait, apparently aware of love she is But only when she looks deep into his eyes, love she sees Not when she feels me move inside of her, no never! Sometimes I wander, “love me, will you ever?” At the same time I wander, “why bother keeping me alive?” It truly is a struggle, for to stay alive I solely strife When it feels like alcohol gushes from wherever into my system Cigarette smoke from him blocking my lungs become an unbearable problem Obviously, none of them care The beginning of my life is marked by all things highly unfair And him — don’t even get me started! By now, I’ve memorised all the words he’s blurted All his insults are now engraved in my once innocent mind Truly speaking, in his voice, apathy is all you can find I am partially disabled by his emotional numbness And so is she, oh what an experience of sheer distress? I would rather soon very swiftly disappear And on the other world of nothingness reappear For he slabs her and throws her around as he pleases And for a moment the woman who ought to be my mother ceases To seek a hiding place, safe and secure To find for her heartache a temporary cure But then the cycle begins again And by the end, once again, not much did she gain He hurls insults at her and once again, slabs her the face across He overpowers her always and she is at a loss For words, and only her tears speak of her anguish If all this could go away, oh how I wish? If only there’d be a moment of peace If only for a moment, however short, everything would freeze Just when I think my wish is going to be fulfilled An even colder rush of naked Reality into me is instilled He screams loudly “get rid of it or I leave!” And she on the other hand, gasps for a moment brief The verdict has been decided upon But this time around, she tries to reason with him, “Please, come on” To listen to her, he stubbornly refuses For he cannot by a lady be in any way refuted So now I am in the middle of all this The two people who are supposed to protect me with their all are these I have not yet stepped foot into the world but it seems twisted The two who are to be united are against one another listed Now I get the point very sharply I got in the way of their happiness haply In all honesty, I didn’t mean to exist Then I suddenly feel him pulling her by the wrist There, my thoughts are interrupted, as I sense a moment of rough wrestling For the manner in which her body is shaken resembles no sort of nestling I feel forceful Gravity mercilessly pulling us toward her Our bodies fail to defy her, and I for one, disappointment I wear How could he be so heartless? To the point of knocking her out cold, almost lifeless The unrest was born the moment I got here So I’m leaving that they will be of good cheer I have no idea whether I’m volunteering But I sense that the fluid which I know as home, red is turning Yes, I think they both stabbed me in the heart The nameless, unloved object can no longer bear the hurt I would be lying if I said anything of this world I’ll miss Fare thee well, please do now without me enjoy your life of bliss