Meditation

majesty absence cacophony Meditation 10:38 PM i fall asleep too easy; close my eyes craving the chance to bask in your majesty and open them in some strange world where agony and loathing run amok along weakly-lit backstreets that smell of burning candy floss and the putrid scent of stale cigarette smoke. in this place i see no men corrupted with the gift of entitlement from a patriarchal society, not a single woman pulling the sleeves of her worn-in, worn out, too loose, too faded cardigans in hopes it shrinks in seconds and takes her aching body — worn-in, worn out, too loose, too faded — with it. this kingdom reveals secrets yet untold to the world and hides within its absence of sweetness the back-of-the-tongue bitterness of too-stoned revelations that guide the royal army and make up the improvised declaration of self love and liberty. i stand inside this strange world and recognize love so deep i find myself weeping as i struggle along cobbled streets and locked doors of homes i can smell from some distant part of my childhood toward it; joy so rich it creeps along my esophagus, as slow as my dad’s bees in the chilled winter sun, to coat my lungs and suffocate me; longing so intense my feet ache and itch to change paths — nothing, not even unbridled love, feels like more of a priority than reaching the point of this city my soul demands to be near; sorrow so unencumbered it runs along my veins and curls ghoulish hands through my hair in a twisted and depressing show of affection that makes me nauseous and leaves my head aching behind my leaking eyes. this cacophony of emotions, this overwhelming overabundance of obsidian-black, orchid-ridden, and obsessive notions, bombards me ruthlessly as i crumble to my knees at this city’s center, bone dead exhausted and tears bone dry while my skeleton rearranges itself into something i can recognize with my new eyes. 4:24 AM i haven’t slept.