Meditation

majesty
absence 
cacophony 

Meditation

10:38 PM
i fall asleep
too easy;
close my eyes
craving
the chance to bask
in your majesty 
and open them in some 
strange world 
where agony
and loathing
run amok
along weakly-lit
backstreets 
that smell of burning 
candy floss
and the putrid scent
of stale
cigarette smoke. 
in this place 
i see no men corrupted
with the gift of
entitlement 
from a patriarchal society,
not a single woman
pulling the sleeves of her 
worn-in, worn out, 
too loose, too faded
cardigans
in hopes it shrinks 
in seconds
and takes her 
aching body —
worn-in, worn out,
too loose, too faded —
with it. 
this kingdom reveals
secrets yet untold 
to the world
and hides within its
absence of sweetness
the back-of-the-tongue bitterness
of too-stoned revelations
that guide the royal army
and make up the
improvised declaration of self love 
and liberty. 
i stand inside this strange world
and recognize love
so deep
i find myself weeping
as i struggle along cobbled streets
and locked doors
of homes i can
smell from some distant part
of my childhood 
toward it;
joy so rich
it creeps along my 
esophagus,
as slow as my dad’s bees
in the chilled winter sun,
to coat my lungs and 
suffocate me;
longing so intense 
my feet ache
and itch
to change paths —
nothing, not even unbridled love,
feels like more of a 
priority
than reaching the point 
of this city 
my soul demands to be near;
sorrow so unencumbered 
it runs along my veins 
and curls ghoulish hands
through my hair
in a twisted and depressing
show of affection
that makes me nauseous 
and leaves my head
aching behind 
my leaking eyes. 
this cacophony of emotions,
this overwhelming 
overabundance of obsidian-black,
orchid-ridden, and obsessive 
notions, bombards me
ruthlessly as i crumble 
to my knees
at this city’s center,
bone dead exhausted
and tears bone dry
while my skeleton rearranges
itself into something
i can recognize
with my new eyes.
4:24 AM
i haven’t slept.
Copyright © | Year Posted 2017

Poem

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