Meaningless Meanings To Living

Running out of reason, Tired of a excuse to keep breathing, Almost two decades I fooled myself into believing That I would some day stop my grieving Maybe I would find a place in the world But for too many years i lied to myself beliving That maybe I had found my own true meaning Convinced myself that i had found it, Yet only found failure, and being reminded of it everyday since Do i keep trying or just admit i have no hope, with nobody to tell me otherwise Perhaps my meaning is just to be a void, but in the end I will find a meaning and purpose And that's to become a compost pile for nature when everyone finally dies