May the Soul of the Critter Rest In Peace

There is a limit I can be pushed to
If driven to it, could I kill ?
Last night I found out

As I was undressing
I felt I was being focused upon
The intruder's cold stares froze me in terror
My heart threatening to pound right out of my chest

We both stood deathly still surveying each other
The battle lines were drawn
I felt like a lion cub about to hunt his first gazelle
It was Man against Cockroach

The beast was hoping to make it to the safe refuge under the bed
If he succeeded, Chances were slim
Suddenly, he made a dash for it
I lunged for the closest weaponry, a sneaker
But he expertly dodged and swerved
On my second strike I connected
He was trapped within the grooves of the sole
I could sense if I moved the shoe, he would dart out and be forever lost
There was only one option - Chemical Warfare

I ran out into the hallway 
And grabbed a can of ant spray
I marched in and began to plan my next move
I circled the shoe a few times, evaluating the best angle to approach 
Strategy was key and I did not want to rush into it
Once decided, I took aim
With a deep breath I quickly lifted the shoe and started spraying wildly
But the wily bugger was quicker than I anticipated
He zipped out and managed to make it to the bed
But just as he disappeared, I nailed him with a squirt between the wings

Wounded and disoriented, I hoped he would now be an easy hunt
I hurled the bed aside and he was cowering besides a dumbbell
We knew these were the climactic seconds of the battle
He made one last brave but feeble run for it
I unleashed the pesticide with adrenalin induced Herculean strength
The departed was lying belly up in a pool of poison
The duel was over

I used half a roll of paper towel to lift his remains 
And carried them at arms length to the trash
The other half to scrub the floor, in true Lady Macbeth fashion
Till the stain and smell were gone

"My Rationalization fails to transmute this event into something positive"

Copyright © | Year Posted 2008



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