Marred Recollections
damaged and alone I am stained with
memories that never ease my existence.
soiled by dirty flashbacks, I’m never
relieved when I remember all my befouled
experiences.
contaminated and defaced, I can no
longer be subjected to such marred
recollections-
I don’t deserve such absolution as my
mind never required an outlook that
freed my bloodstained past.
abandoned, I cry for unblemished images
to crowd my brain.
I thirst for musings that can alleviate my
blackened reminiscences.
I recall my youth-
an improper childhood full of discolored
souvenirs.
my autobiography should be written
in terms of battling ten thousand
wars-
dividing my life into factions of pain
and unwarranted pleasures.
my yesteryears have diminished into
unreasonable doubt-
I feel so ancient;
like a shriveled up messy essence at
just thirty-eight years old.
I never knew how deprived I was of
lucidity until last night-
I pondered on the mirrored reflections
of my bygones.
all I saw was unfathomable filth
with no way to cleanse my soul.
what shall I do about my conundrum?
who shall I turn to for comfort?
the answer lies in the depths of the
deepest seas;
in the heart of the greatest heart
that ever was to live…
“I cry to thee who hears my plea,
an aria of tarnished reflections is me-
I hunger to be stronger,
can’t live with this pain any longer,
please free me from this lewd debris.”
so I move on.
live on in my own world I created.
I am left faded and stoic---
longing for someone to unpollute
my jaded aforementioned past.
Tarnished Relfections
John Lawless
March 22, 2018
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