Mania

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Mania

It’s a very sneaky thing, mania is.

I’m humming along,

probably minding someone else’s business,

giving little attention to my own state of being

when it slides in, mania does,

a message slipped under the door saying,

“Here I come. Are you ready?”

But I never am,

or, to tell the truth,

I always am.

I know… I’ll go to the airport and buy a ticket to Las Vegas gamble that’s what I want to do there’s a Rolex and a fat gold ring with diamonds that I really must have I‘ll buy a Ferrari when I get there driving very fast will be great fun I love blackjack don’t you the last time I played I lost my house pizza I need pizza drinks for everyone sleep oh no there’s far too much to do what color do you want to paint the kitchen I’m going to write a novel like Jack Kerouac on a roll of paper towels where are the paper towels that woman over there I’m sure she knows that being in bed with me is the best thing that will happen to her this year more pizza no I had some yesterday or was it the day before besides that who has time to eat I’m talking so fast that you can’t understand what I’m saying and that it doesn’t make sense anyway so it doesn’t matter you’re just not listening and I don’t care anyway no I’m not tired…

I live in a carefully balanced state,

mourning the loss of my mania.

The trick I’ve learned

is to vibrate just enough

to feel the edge, perhaps even

touch it for a minute or two,

but pull back before there’s blood,

before I fly.

Mania It’s a very sneaky thing, mania is. I’m humming along, probably minding someone else’s business, giving little attention to my own state of being when it slides in, mania does, a message slipped under the door saying, “Here I come. Are you ready?” But I never am, or, to tell the truth, I always am. I know… I’ll go to the airport and buy a ticket to Las Vegas gamble that’s what I want to do there’s a Rolex and a fat gold ring with diamonds that I really must have I‘ll buy a Ferrari when I get there driving very fast will be great fun I love blackjack don’t you the last time I played I lost my house pizza I need pizza drinks for everyone sleep oh no there’s far too much to do what color do you want to paint the kitchen I’m going to write a novel like Jack Kerouac on a roll of paper towels where are the paper towels that woman over there I’m sure she knows that being in bed with me is the best thing that will happen to her this year more pizza no I had some yesterday or was it the day before besides that who has time to eat I’m talking so fast that you can’t understand what I’m saying and that it doesn’t make sense anyway so it doesn’t matter you’re just not listening and I don’t care anyway no I’m not tired… I live in a carefully balanced state, mourning the loss of my mania. The trick I’ve learned is to vibrate just enough to feel the edge, perhaps even touch it for a minute or two, but pull back before there’s blood, before I fly.

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Richard Lamoureux

Date: 7/3/2013 8:25:00 AM

You have captured it well, jack. I grew up in this environment. This sucks me back to those memories, my dad and grandmother suffered their whole lives, add in the substance abuse and it is almost an unbreakable combination leading to unimaginable scenarios. I have been fortunate that the gene was not passed onto me, I tend to be even keel. Important topic to write about.

Jack Jordan
Date: 7/3/2013 2:15:00 PM

I'm glad your gene pool didn't include this malady. Thanks for your understanding reply... Jack

Jack Jordan

Date: 7/3/2013 5:57:00 AM

Andrea, I've sent you soup mail in an effort to explain... Jack

Andrea Dietrich

Date: 7/2/2013 11:46:00 PM

yes, I would say you captured it!! I hope you are not manic/depressive though. I have known some really good people and one who could not deal with it. What made you want to write of it?