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Mamaws Hands

I loved them
Every bone in her body
Every tooth in her smile
Every thread in her sweatshirt
Every vein in her aged hands
They comforted me in ways that nothing ever could
So heartwarming I didn’t know how to function when I couldn’t brush my hand upon hers
The last thing I remember is seeing tubes invading her body as if she was in a snake pit
We were there for hours
I never wanted to leave, she was ours
People came and went
But there was one specific moment
I was sitting in a chair across from her, trying to stay warm, and I yawned
She had caught my glance just at the right moment and stopped the person from talking by the single raising of a hand as if she had the power of God
She asked me if I was tired, and if I wanted to lay with her
I wanted to scream
I wanted to yell
I wanted to cry
I was tired of seeing her go through this 
I was tired of all the pain that it brought to not only her but those around her
But I told her no, and had to hold back the tears
Ignorant she was, she waved me over
With those same hands with which she held me as I returned the favor in that hospital bed 
Told me that she loved me
Had missed me
Asked me how I was doing
She didn’t even care about her condition, but she was involved with everyone else's
She grabbed my hand
I returned the favor
It was in that moment that I felt more at home than I have ever
 
The next day

Sitting here unable to hold back the tears anymore
She laid so peaceful
I wanted to shout and say that this wasn’t real
But what I didn’t want to face was that this was all too real 
Real enough for me to feel the pain and sorrow
Every bone in her body
Every tooth in her smile
Every thread in her sweatshirt
Every vein in her aged hands
Comforted me in ways that nothing ever could

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