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Malcee - the Bestest Beerman In the West Part 1

For a chum on the occasion of his 50th birthday.  lots of insider jokes I am afraid! The meter totally stolen :-)

You could hear the engine roar, As the van approached the door
And the squealing of the brakes, pedal pressed onto the floor
And he drove right into St john's Street, K&A upon his chest
His name is Malcolm, and he drives the bestest beer van in the west 

Now Malcolm loves a girly, A lady he knows as Kar
She lived all alone in Stroud, but  knew her way around a bar
She knew just where to pull just right and which end she had to tweak 
So Malcolm got his firkin there three times every week
They call him Malcolm 
(mallkkeeeeee)
And he drives the bestest beer van in the west

She said she'd like to bathe in beer he said then I'm your man
so when he finished work one night he loaded up the van
He said do you want some gluten-free, it'll help you with your gout,
she said Malcolm gimmee savernake, I'll take the stout without
That chuffed old malcyyy 
(Malceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee)
and he drives the bestest beer van in the west 

Ahh ooooo

Malc's life is often confused, like when he went to Limburg,
He drove the van there all the way,  but later was a real nerd,
having parked it up on his return he cried like a banshee
'Cause when he searched both high and low he could not find the keys

So Malc called Kar, and she Andy, a plan they did concoct
They flew her out to Limburg quick, so the van could be unlocked,
But on the windscreen of that van, they found a note in Kraut
The keys were found hurrah -  it was no longer a van without!
They call them Scluesheln, 
(ke---eee---eys!)
And they locked the bestest beer van in the west.
aaa ooo

Now Malc likes to plan and dream, coming up with ventures new,
From brew'ries and micropubs, selling the beer he likes to brew
He has strong thoughts, partlicularly against religion,
Though that doesn't stop him liking one particular Christian!
The call him Henry...  
(henreeee!)
And he plays the bestest guitar in the west (and north and south and east!)
....
(See Pt. 2!)

Copyright © The Didds | Year Posted 2017

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