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love/end of day

destiny...enchanted noon the girl born of the flower her face...comely footsteps,walk my way we are close aren't we? i'll be the night for you... won't you be my day the sun i wait for? sanctuary...sheltered hearts in the last storm one more kiss baby-come on god is watching the crowds are gone...ghosts now one more i love you baby-god is watching i'll fade first...can't stand to see you hurtin' destiny-empty,lonely,gloomy night

Copyright © | Year Posted 2009

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Date: 2/19/2009 1:14:00 AM
I don't like the lack of grammar in this but the poem itself is great. The imagery that it raises confronts the reader with the idea of relationships, well. There is a fracturing to the narrative that gives the feel of a stop-and-start. this is a good technique as it reflects the hesitancy of the movement of the child in the narrative. It is certainly a pleasure to come across such attention to detail.
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