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Notes About The Poem

It is Domestic Violence Awareness month.

I wrote this poem to raise awarness about how some victims of abuse start to blame themselves.

Signs You Are In An Abusive Relationship
A lot of people do not realize that they are in an abusive relationship. Here are some of the signs that you could be in an abusive relationship that you need to get out of…

Your partner sexually or physically abuses you. If they ever make you have sex with them when you don’t want to, hit you, shove you, or push you, this is domestic abuse.
Your partner threatens you or your family.
Your partner puts your down. They attack your capabilities, mental health, looks, or intelligence. They blame you for their violent outbursts.
Your partner is jealous. They may isolate you from your family or friends or they may accuse you of not being faithful.
Your partner is possessive. They may check up on you all of the time and they may get angry if you hang out with certain people.
Your partner has strangled you, beat you, or hit you in the past.
Emotional Abuse
When we talk about raising awareness for Domestic Violence Awareness Month, it’s important that we acknowledge emotional abuse. This is a much bigger problem than a lot of people realize. Just because you don’t have bruises on your skin does not mean you are not being abused. A lot of women and men suffer from emotional abuse, and it is no less destructive. Unfortunately, emotional abuse is often overlooked or minimized, even by those experiencing this.

Emotional abusers look to chip away at your feelings of independence and self-worth. You can end up feeling like you do not have anything without your abusive partner or that there is no way out of your relationship.

Emotional abuse includes verbal abuse. This includes controlling behavior, intimidation, isolation, shaming, blaming, name-calling, and yelling. Abusers who use psychological or emotional abuse will often throw about threats of physical violence, as well as other repercussions if you do not do what they demand.

The scars of emotional abuse run deep, and they are very real! You may assume that physical abuse is a lot worse, as people can end up with physical wounds and send you to the hospital. However, emotional abuse can be just as damaging. Sometimes, it can even be worse. This is why it is important to raise awareness of all types of domestic violence and abuse.

Financial abuse is one of the subtler forms of emotional abuse. Some examples of this include:

Taking your money or stealing from your
Sabotaging your job – calling constantly or making you miss work
Preventing you from choosing your own career or working
Restricting you to an allowance
Withholding basic necessities, such as shelter, medications, clothes, and food
Making you account for every penny you spend
Withholding credit cards or money
Rigidly controlling your finances

There are many helplines in the country of your residence. Please seek help, no one should suffer in this way.

Love Shouldn'T Hurt

At first you were understanding 
and patient,
so polite and gentle,
encouraging me to express my emotions.

But then you became obsessive and jealous.
Forcing me to shut up into obedience. 
Now I think I should be silent,
because it's difficult to hide black eyes,
with the soreness of split lips.

Wounds heal, but scars remain.

If I died today,
would you even notice?
Maybe it will be you who puts me in a box.

Maybe I spoke too loud, drank too much wine,
didn't make dinner on time,
before the dishes crashed to the ground.

Then the verbal curses,
'B**ch, idiot, fu***ing whore.'
Sting like acid in my eyes.

Have I become your punching bag?

Maybe I should dress differently
not wear that red lipstick.
If I had not answered back,
you would not have raised your hands.
I would not be suffocating, drowning in the air.
But you just mock my cries,
ignore these screams,
so I only cry in the shower.

I think, I can't take this anymore,
I should run through that door,
people keep asking about the bruises,
but I keep making excuses.
But where would I go,
what about the children,
what about the shame?

Then you start to cry,
with a million apologies,
saying it's the stress,
the traumatic childhood -
that you love me,
swearing not to do it again,
insisting to start with a new slate. 

The pain peels off a little.
There is a temporary harmony in the air.
Slowly the swelling eases.
I become a slave to your sweet words,
although the sex feels like rape.

I'm on edge, looking over my shoulder,
careful not to pull the trigger,
unleashing the terror of your rage.

Once I felt safe, now I only feel afraid.
Your hands that hurt me only make me shiver...

Wondering when you will lose control again.

Silent One
19 October 2021

abuseviolenceprose

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Jane Shields

March 9, 2023 at 5:00 PM

This really hit home with me. Every word chosen so wisely. A truly epic write. So glad to have read it. Thank you. x

Paghunda Zahid

June 7, 2022 at 1:01 PM

You are such an incredible poet SO. Loved it

Evelyn Judy Buehler

February 22, 2022 at 12:39 PM

The domestic abuse your poem describes is sadly prevalent, Silent One. Your words offer hope through sound advice, and just as importantly, through recognizing the symptoms of abuse, including the subtler kinds. Well done. Evelyn

Lisa Ricci

February 15, 2022 at 2:14 PM

Dear Silent - There is nothing I could add or say to your entry. I worked in this field and it isn't pretty. Its sad for all involved including children because many times there are children involved. Women have reasons why they stay however they need to know the reasons why they should leave. You once again spoke with knowledge and dignity. I can't tell you the scenes and stories that I were assigned to. One case is too many. Remain safe. You did a wonderful job with awareness. (smile)

Michael Tor

January 30, 2022 at 5:44 PM

Wonderful piece my friend. You are missed here. Don't stay away too long...

Charles Messina

January 28, 2022 at 3:44 AM

Like Elton John once said, "It's a sad, sad situation" So much of this happens in our so-called ordinary lives. Great message S.O. I hope all is well my friend. Happy New Year! Charlie

Vijay Galia

January 23, 2022 at 11:23 PM

So many children, still today see their mothers sobbing alone, giving a message to their.. Sons - for not being like them and ... for Daughters not to be a victim of such evil treatment. Domestic violence is indeed Unacceptable..

Connie Marcum Wong

January 15, 2022 at 1:40 PM

I can relate to your wisdom in this well advised information. There is only one thing one can do in a situation of abuse and that is to leave. Your poem is a poignant reminder to protect ourselves from any kind of abuse. Excellent my friend! I was in mourning when this was posted so I missed it. I hope you are well. Blessings for a wonderful new year. xxoo

Vickie Hurtt - Thayer

January 8, 2022 at 8:15 AM

I know this all too well...explained with great insight, well written. Vickie

Audrey Haick

December 24, 2021 at 9:07 AM

Wishing you and yours a very Merry Christmas and a happy New year! Thank you for your last comments... have been ill and away from Soup. Sending my warmest greetings. I hope you are keeping safe!

Annie Lander

December 8, 2021 at 10:24 AM

A hurtful situation indeed I hope that this might help someone out there..

Mystic Rose Rose

November 30, 2021 at 12:17 PM

Oh Silent One I have no words for this deep well I sat in as I read your precious bleeding words, of caution. Thank you again for gracing my heart, you are an awesome effective writer, that affects , hugs and whispers of wellbeing :)

Heidi Sands

November 23, 2021 at 8:21 AM

Very powerful Silent One. I just see this poem now. I hope it reaches people in need. You have shown it so well. God Bless anyone in this situation. I hope you are well. :)

Jennifer Proxenos

November 11, 2021 at 11:32 PM

A hurtful situation, for a great many women SO, but where do the go, do they think that the situation will change. A person is born and each one of us unique but i do believe if the person grew up in an environment where parents were indifferent to each, insulting, abusive in any form mental, physical, financial that child will be affected and continue the behavior he has watched as he grew up and inflict the same behavior on their spouse and children. Wonderful write. hugs, blessings, Jennifer

Paghunda Zahid

November 7, 2021 at 5:49 AM

What a great Poem...and how painful it is... I don't know what to say. Why believe behave this way. But thank you tor writing this Silent One.

Paula Goldsmith

November 5, 2021 at 12:13 PM

WOW!!! What an amazing story/write. You are so right, "Love shouldn't hurt." Have a blessed autumn day...............

Susan Lawrence

November 4, 2021 at 1:39 PM

So very important … your words , your consciousness and your power in putting these words to paper for all to read. I had been at the hand of someone I once loved . There are no words to express to pain and shame associated with this type of behavior. Thank you Silent One for coming forward to create more awareness . Susan

Joanna Daniel

October 23, 2021 at 4:56 AM

A painful write, a difficult poem surely, good to know that you are creating awareness about all forms of abuse, SO:)

S.Zaynab Kamoonpuri

October 22, 2021 at 2:39 AM

Your poem is super awesome, creatively expressed but its in behalf of a lady right? I meet domestic abused ladies on various online sites its real. Kudos!

S.Zaynab Kamoonpuri

October 22, 2021 at 2:38 AM

The only part that i could relate to is this as other parts are thankfully not my lot and so horrible yet the verbal abuse i go through does feel horrible and yes i can't leave him because that would amount to leaving my children in another country. Yet it is bearable because he is so caring and loving for days until every now and then he bursts out shouting that im neglecting the children due to my poetic and writing involvements.

S.Zaynab Kamoonpuri

October 22, 2021 at 10:03 AM

I meant the part relatable to my man is this: "They attack your capabilities, mental health, or intelligence. They blame you for their violent outbursts. Your partner is jealous.'

Harry Horsman

October 20, 2021 at 6:42 AM

An educating poem, S.O, hopefully to be read by many, to help keep them out of such a horror situation. I'd like to point out. That there are reports of men also being abuse.

Darlene De Beaulieu

October 19, 2021 at 12:01 PM

Some children are lucky to have a good childhood. A good father or mother. Depending which one abused their child verbally. Yes it leaves a scar. Enjoy your day my friend. It will be my fav. Darlene

Darlene De Beaulieu

October 19, 2021 at 11:53 AM

Hello Silent One, your message is loud amd clear in your poetry. I am making this poem my fav. People that abuse other people were abused themselves. Good example of that would to have one parent abuse their daughter through childhood and through adulthood. Some children have one parent like that in life.

Marilene Evans

October 19, 2021 at 8:52 AM

Yes, it shouldn't... October is the mental health awareness around the world and the WHO goes for October 10, as the mental awareness day. Your overture about domestic violence awareness month before your poem brings back memories of the emotional and verbal abuse I got from my biological mother and some relatives. So with my first husband that also involved physical that I did not want him after four years. Emotional/verbal abuse stabs and breaks your heart, so run away, protect you...