Love Like Nothing

i stayed with him a month after the assault. didn't want to sleep in my own bed. i saw a picture of us and we looked so happy just together. i don't understand much about love, but i know that's what we had. happiness was found with him. a safety i had yet to experience with anyone else. he was, and may always be, the only one who loved me this way. i remember the heat not working but it was okay because he had this heated blanket and we would just lay there together. and there was a time where i was the only one for him. there was a time i made him want to be with me forever. just together. us and the new england weather, staying cozy and hazy. but now, he thinks i'm lazy. i tried telling him how i was trying. tried making him see things how i saw them. he knew why i was the way i was. he knew why i was blank. i could never win against my mind, and he knew it. played with it til we were both weak with years, and blue with experience. i knew from the start i would be too much for him. i wanted it to be him so badly, i overlooked the differences. it was me who started the war, but he didn't have to fight so dirty. now, when i think about love i already know i am not worthy.