Love Like Nothing
i stayed with him a month after the assault.
didn't want to sleep in my own bed.
i saw a picture of us
and we looked so happy
just together.
i don't understand much about love,
but i know that's what we had.
happiness was found with him.
a safety i had yet to experience
with anyone else.
he was, and may always be,
the only one who loved me this way.
i remember the heat not working
but it was okay because he had this heated blanket
and we would just lay there
together.
and there was a time
where i was the only one for him.
there was a time i made
him want to be with me
forever.
just together.
us and the new england weather,
staying cozy and hazy.
but now, he thinks i'm lazy.
i tried telling him how i was trying.
tried making him see things
how i saw them.
he knew why i was the way i was.
he knew why i was blank.
i could never win against my mind,
and he knew it. played with it
til we were both weak
with years,
and blue with experience.
i knew from the start
i would be too much for him.
i wanted it to be him so badly,
i overlooked the differences.
it was me who started the war,
but he didn't have to fight so dirty.
now, when i think about love
i already know i am not worthy.
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