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Lord of the Flies

Harassing me for days now
Landing on my eyelid
Nosing up my nostril
Tickling my ankles
and every other exposed body part
Little bastard...

Fly-Swatter? Jack be nimble, Jack...
Folded bath towel? (Lamp destroyed)
Raid? Sprayed til I sneezed and choked
and had to quickly retreat outside
(I may have poisoned myself)
Little bastard...
 
Last night it buzzed me awake
I injured various body parts
(Bloody nose, ruptured eardrum)
Little bastard...

I want to murder it
I want to assassinate it
but I want to capture it first
pull off it’s puny little wings
and watch it scramble on the floor
all the while crawling behind
laughing, shouting and jeering
'How you like THEM apple peelings?'
before I jump to the ceiling (Boink)
before I stomp and then grind
in a mad and homicidal rage
Little bastard...

Epilogue:

Whew! I’m feeling pretty okay now
The medication helps immeasurably
I know now why they’re called Asylums
They are refuge from a brutal environment
a world dominated and controlled by---Bssst!!
Little BASTARD...

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Poet Destroyer A

Date: 7/30/2016 8:48:00 PM

Tim R.,, Congratulations on your win. Thank you for supporting my contest --- 101 in a row. :) Stop by my blog "They Hang Horses, Don't They?" if you'd like. Always & Forever ~LINDA~

Heather Ober

Date: 9/10/2015 7:53:00 AM

Tim, you had me in stitches with this one. There have been SO many flies around this year - I must have swatted about 20 of them the other night. For some reason, I have more success in killing them mid-air - kind of like a twisted game of badminton. (I love the repeated "little bastard" throughout... so true!)

Sara Kendrick

Date: 8/13/2015 2:49:00 PM

Awesome work !! No wonder it is in the winners’ list. Congrats..Sara

Janice Canerdy

Date: 8/10/2015 4:23:00 PM

I love it! Great! Flies are SMART. They can just tell when I'm going after the swatter. Janice

Dr. Upma A. Sharma

Date: 8/10/2015 12:52:00 AM

Congrats on ur awesome winning poem Tim! Real annoying flies, witty work!

Pandita Sietesantos

Date: 8/9/2015 9:28:00 PM

Lord of the Flies - indeed! I too, have had my share of annoyance this summer so I can relate to this. Tim, I can't tell you how much I enjoyed this clever piece! You had me in stitches laughing out loud all day every time I re-read this super witty write! It is so deserving of its top placement! Congratulations, my friend! Pandita

Andrea Dietrich

Date: 8/9/2015 5:25:00 PM

How did I ever miss THIS one, Tim?? this is awesome!! You are at your funniest writing about something like this. Congrats to you, my friend.

John Lawless

Date: 8/9/2015 7:58:00 AM

AH, Tim, best two outta three with a "skeeter"....can drive you nuts....Congarts on the win, great take on the theme

Lycia Harding

Date: 8/9/2015 5:53:00 AM

Hahaha! So clever and comical - and TRUE, the little bastards! Congrats on your win Tim. xoxo

Skat A

Date: 8/8/2015 9:54:00 PM

Hi Tim, lol, you pulled this one off pretty good. Congrats in Mary's contest. **SKAT**

James Inman

Date: 8/8/2015 8:44:00 PM

Great write, Tim

Jan Allison

Date: 8/8/2015 7:21:00 PM

Dropping back with my congrats loved the humour here:-) hugs Jan xx

Jaycee Cervenka

Date: 7/21/2015 1:17:00 PM

I love the amusing tale, Tim. It's all the more enjoyable, because I too, hate the little Bastards, and go a bit crazy until they are dead and gone. Didn't break the lamp, but destroyed its shade..lol Bug zappers, that's what we need. Fry the suckers and hear them sizzle. Great one that goes to my Faves.

Carrie Richards

Date: 7/17/2015 12:00:00 PM

You make me laugh at myself !! This is me, only it is a pesky mosquito......especially if it attacks after the lights go out, and I am trying to go to sleep !!! (the little bastards !!! lol !!!) Do you suppose that God created these little devils just to keep us occupied !!!?

Elaine George

Date: 7/16/2015 3:16:00 PM

I can just see it!!!! lol!!!!! I have been there and totally understand where you are coming from. Thanks Tim, for giving me a good laugh. I needed one. Your friend, Elaine

Elaine George

Date: 7/16/2015 3:16:00 PM

Did I mention...the title is genius!!!! Elaine

Jan Allison

Date: 7/7/2015 11:33:00 AM

guess they can be such an annoyance those pesky flies - love the humour here:-) hugs jan xx7