Living out of a Lie

It was my dream to go to the gym. I promised myself, I would. Days passed by, I told myself, ‘I must work, I should.’ Far from work, I took to rest, As others huffed and puffed. The mirror mocked, my muscles did, As people looked and coughed. ‘Nothing’s wrong’, I told myself, An hour’s walk would do. I circled my garden twice a day, The blood in my veins coursed through. Mother had fought her fear for long, Our thoughts had strained her nerves. Bereft of company, my father had left Emptiness in voluminous curves. I tried to be that mother was-- to my sister to live it through. Carried the weight of pain in sleep My lie was rebuild anew. (Then) Mother passed to the other realm. My sister suffered the loss. I tried in vain, to ease her pain. Feelings had turned to frost. Summer set in, with strong disdain, As I struggled to fill the blank. Philosophy, logic nothing worked. My heart, I felt, it sank. In trepid and unease, I composed myself With fear still to ruin. Practice should work in protest, thought I, and restored the dream within. Not yet---- Then when it rained and the ground was wet I charmed myself indoors. Damsels flashed their figures shaped. I watched my favorite videos. My friend advised, my sister too, Served me food that’s bland. I gifted myself with a treat sometimes, Till I got myself scanned. The reports showed a lot of load My knees had taken for long. The doctor advised to shed some flesh. I felt I’d write my song. I lived a lie that I was fine, Though arteries and veins did scream. Of what is going to happen with age. I laughed out the pain within. While I prepped to battle my pain, A fear lingered to the brim. I finally decided to give it a shot And tired myself in the gym. The promise was kept as authored by me. A story that could’ve been short not long. I suffered pain, to keep myself From the lie that held me wrong. A lie that said, I was well-- Though in me, I was not. That flashed a smile, I regret, The emptiness in me had brought. The sweat in pain, I no longer refrain From working my sinews an hour. Slowly I stretch the muscles of my heart, Under Time’s shady bower.