Lifeless

Not really fit for you. Probably slipped under God’s nose and dropped here. I bet He wonders “who’s this” when I pray. I’m surely not on any “living human list” My life’s smashing all over, Is it even correct to say “my life”? When mothers see me, they turn and say “look sweetheart, don’t turn into that girl”. I’m a bad-example person. should I even refer myself a person? Doesn’t every “person” have everything figured out? Lifelong plans, graduations, vacations, marriage ? Who am I to call myself a person then? I’m a sluggard and talentless, Buffalo looking and teethless. Snails are better than me , they’re sluggish because that’s their nature. Do I have a lifes purpose? Imbecilic question isn’t it? Why search for a purpose if you don’t have a life? Not that I don’t want you, You just never liked me . I have aimed for you, get setted and ready, Ran for you like a tiger, the soon I dabbed inside you, You changed into a rubber and I bounced back and cracked my head. Something said: ‘get up’ I did, then I swam for you, Le Clos style, Just when I was about to grab you, sharks devoured you. Then I looked up, “don’t give up” song played. I saw you up in the sky falling down, Took a basket and made sure you landed safely on me. But you missed me and crashed down. Picked you up and needled you, guess you can’t sew a shattered glass. I’ve been chasing you down, but you keep running away from me, Bought a “life-potion” guess that doesn’t work on you. Would you slow down and give me a reason to live? You’re killing me but you’re not in me, you belittle me but you’re not so huge, ‘cause if you were, you’ll be slow enough for me, visible, well. So I can grab. But you’re swift, you’re fast, always slipping through these hands You make me feel insecure How do you even make me feel if you’re not in me? Why give me these feelings when you don’t want me? You constantly reject me. 24 years I’ve lived and you have not killed me But everyday you plant suicide thoughts up my head. What cruel , creepy-crawly-creature are you? Everyday you shutter me down. Then you whisper ‘hope’ ‘don’t give up’ Why do you do this to me? Why did you pick me? Why am I forever losing in these mind-games of yours? My pillows are wet, eyes swollen and red I have eight hairs, sore throat and swollen lips. Look, I apologize for that ish Please just give me a chance to sort out my I’M LIFELESS.