Life accomplishments
Made a candle from my ear wax
It allows me to see things more clearly
Made a pillow from my belly button lint
I can still hear it grumbling
Bought a nose hair trimmer
Don’t ask
Made a “you too” video
My pet slug ran away
It took him three weeks
Had the bird’s wings clipped
Now he sits there muttering WTF
The teacher said “take a seat”
I did…they made me bring it back
Taught a centipede to tap dance
Big mistake
Gave a mouse a cookie
See above
Let a sleeping dog lie
He ran for Congress
Hung a wet paint sign
On the Rose Bush
Buttered the bread on both sides
Just to be sure
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