Letter To You (Not a Poem)

So much life in me but for the love of god i cant find it. The harder i push the faster i get knocked down. The fall is so hard it leaves bruises that cant be removed with ice and a kiss. Im in this slum and i feel i cant pull myself out, i feel nobody can. Im ready to go off the deep end. Im not complaining because its hard, Im complaining because of the mental scares. I was never this way, i always find ways to better myself and the situation Im in. Not this time though, my hopes and goals is nothing but far away dreams. I expected one person to understand but I have the understanding that Im just too complicated to understand. Im not giving up on myself Im just realizing what I can and cant do in my life. I used to believe that saying " You can do what ever you want to do, you just have to put your mind to it". What a crock. You cant do what the world wont let you do. Im crashing but not yet burning. Yeah we are a team but baby you carrying dead weight. Im sorry it had to come out this way but i cant talk because my words never come out the way i mean for them to come out. So here it is. You are what you are. You are the best boyfriend in the world. I cant ask for anyone better because there is no one better. You have so much going for you and you are happy. Im so happy your life is changing and everything that happens to you is always better for you. Why? I have no idea. But you say dont worry about it so much but I've tried that. Yeah I am stressing out a lot but thats because all of these new strategies and none of them are working. Yes I am very hard to motivate but thats only because Im tired of gettin slapped in the face. You know what its like to fall but you are able to get up and stay up. I fall and get slapped back down before I can even dust myself off. You are next to perfect and so is your life. My life wasn't that good at first but I was comfortable because I knew it was always lighter down what ever dark road someone dropped me off on. It sounds like a lot of excuses but its not. I would say take a walk in my size four's but i wouldn't even want you to take a road that dark, lonely, stress filled, and hurtful. My mind and spirits are crushed. I try to tell you look up and you look down. I say look right and you look left. I say go and you stop. Thats because my words are not the clearest things to understand so here it is on paper. Im not done trying but I am done falling and expecting change. I'll tell u more in the next letter.