Letter To You (Not a Poem)
So much life in me but for the love of god i cant find it. The harder i push the faster i
get knocked down. The fall is so hard it leaves bruises that cant be removed with ice
and a kiss. Im in this slum and i feel i cant pull myself out, i feel nobody can. Im
ready to go off the deep end. Im not complaining because its hard, Im complaining
because of the mental scares. I was never this way, i always find ways to better
myself and the situation Im in. Not this time though, my hopes and goals is nothing
but far away dreams. I expected one person to understand but I have the
understanding that Im just too complicated to understand. Im not giving up on
myself Im just realizing what I can and cant do in my life. I used to believe that
saying " You can do what ever you want to do, you just have to put your mind to it".
What a crock. You cant do what the world wont let you do. Im crashing but not yet
burning. Yeah we are a team but baby you carrying dead weight. Im sorry it had to
come out this way but i cant talk because my words never come out the way i mean
for them to come out. So here it is. You are what you are. You are the best boyfriend
in the world. I cant ask for anyone better because there is no one better. You have
so much going for you and you are happy. Im so happy your life is changing and
everything that happens to you is always better for you. Why? I have no idea. But
you say dont worry about it so much but I've tried that. Yeah I am stressing out a lot
but thats because all of these new strategies and none of them are working. Yes I
am very hard to motivate but thats only because Im tired of gettin slapped in the
face. You know what its like to fall but you are able to get up and stay up. I fall and
get slapped back down before I can even dust myself off. You are next to perfect and
so is your life. My life wasn't that good at first but I was comfortable because I knew
it was always lighter down what ever dark road someone dropped me off on. It
sounds like a lot of excuses but its not. I would say take a walk in my size four's but
i wouldn't even want you to take a road that dark, lonely, stress filled, and hurtful.
My mind and spirits are crushed. I try to tell you look up and you look down. I say
look right and you look left. I say go and you stop. Thats because my words are not
the clearest things to understand so here it is on paper. Im not done trying but I am
done falling and expecting change. I'll tell u more in the next letter.
Copyright © Courtney Heath | Year Posted 2010
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